


Alienation of Affection

by rayemars



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adultery, Arranged Marriage, Gender Dysphoria, Intersex Jotunn (Marvel), M/M, Size Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayemars/pseuds/rayemars
Summary: The marriage was arranged as a way to end the skirmishes arising between Asheim and Jotunheim’s borders. Neither Asgard nor Utgard wished for another war; memories of the last one were too fresh.Had Thor been the only child, it would have fallen to him to fulfill the contract. But Laufey was sending his youngest child as a hostage-spouse, so the eldest son of Odin was not obligated to wed him.That duty fell to the next in line: Balder.
Relationships: Balder & Loki (Marvel), Thor/Loki
Comments: 48
Kudos: 293
Collections: Best Thorkis, Warbride Loki





	Alienation of Affection

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr in 2015 and languished there while I tried to figure out a longer ending, and though I never did I figured it was time to move it over to the archive.  
> ~

Once when Thor was younger, he was severely injured in battle.

His friends were able to return him to Asgard. But for over a week he lay in the healers' quarters, stricken with fevers and bleeding from his sewn wounds. At last Eir went to the king and queen and informed them that while she was doing her best, Asgard might lose its crown prince.

So Balder was taken from his foster parents and made known to the court, and himself, as an Odinson.

~

Thor recovered.

The news of an unknown brother was startling. But he and Balder had been friends since they were younger, and they respected each others' battle skills. They adjusted.

~

The marriage was arranged as a way to end the skirmishes arising between Asheim and Jotunheim's borders. Neither Asgard nor Utgard wished for another war; memories of the last one were too fresh.

Had Thor been the only child, it would have fallen to him to fulfill the contract. But Laufey was sending his youngest as a hostage-spouse, so the eldest son of Odin was not obligated to wed him.

That duty fell to the next in line: Balder.

~

Thor briefly met the jotun who was to be his brother's spouse during his arrival on the Bifrost. Loki was tucked within the middle of the Jotnar retinue.

They had only a few moments' introduction before Loki was herded to meet Balder. Thor bowed from a distance, well aware not to touch un-charmed jotun skin. Loki nodded curtly, his gaze lingering over Thor for a breath before it darted away to take in more of Asgard. Both their faces were in impassive masks; Thor had vehemently opposed bringing a jotun into Asgard.

As he stepped aside and watched the retinue continue toward Balder, standing uncomfortably at the foot of the Bifrost beside Odin and Frigga, Thor thought to himself that at least the enemy they were permitting within their gates was small enough to be easily fought.

~

While brothers in name, Thor and Balder did not know each other significantly well. They were friends; but they had lived separate lives. When Balder came to his rooms two days before the wedding, Thor was surprised.

"I did not know who else to speak to," Balder explained, pacing uncomfortably. "I didn't--it didn't seem something I could bring to Odin or Frigga."

Thor, watching him from a seat, gestured again to the chair he'd offered. "What's wrong?"

"I--" Balder shifted on his feet, restless with tension. "I do not wish to do this.

"I _understand_ the purpose," he insisted, before Thor could speak. "I do. I know this is necessary. But I--there is--" Balder clenched his fists in his cape. "I love another."

Thor let himself relax.

"You don't have to stop loving her," he replied, giving Balder an encouraging smile. "No one will demand that of you."

Balder started pacing again. "That isn't--I wish to marry her."

"That is more difficult," Thor agreed at last.

Balder exhaled harshly and dropped into the chair across him, pressing his face to his hands.

"I **told** Odin," he muttered. "I was asking his leave when I learned of this."

"Ah," Thor said.

He remained in his seat, unsure what comfort to give. The wedding was set. Any changes now could be taken as an insult by the the Jotnar, exacerbating the very issue this was meant to eliminate.

Balder exhaled slowly, and forced his mouth into a resigned smile. "I suppose there's no way around it."

"None I can think of," Thor told him honestly. "But truly, Balder, it will not be so bad. You can still love your goddess. She just won't be wedded to you."

"That insults her," Balder muttered. "How can I ask that of her?"

"By asking," Thor replied. "If she's offended, so be it. But you cannot know until then."

"But I don't--I want to be wed to the one I love," Balder told him, staring at Thor bleakly. "I do not want to insult either my spouse or my love. I want them to be one and the same."

Thor exhaled slowly and settled back in his chair.

"You are always so good in your desires," he told Balder with a faint smile. "But I think it will be against you this time."

". . . Yes," Balder mumbled, slumping forward. "Yes. We have to stop the skirmishing with Jotunheim before it becomes war again. That...is more important. I just wish...."

"I'm sorry, Balder," Thor told him sincerely, gripping his shoulder. "I know matters of this kind bear hard on you."

Thor squeezed it briefly. "Have heart; he won't be allowed Idunn's apples. In time, you will be released from this. You'll be free to wed her then."

Balder laughed once mirthlessly. "A few centuries is a long wait."

Thor nodded in agreement.

"It does not have to be as difficult as you think," he said kindly. "But as righteous as you are, I expect it will be."

Balder rubbed his face once more, and then nodded until he made himself look convinced.

~

The wedding went forward without disruption.

Thor blinked briefly at the sight of the pale, green-eyed man who joined his brother's side at the altar; but there had been rumors the jotun was a shapeshifter. And his hair was the same.

The Aesir offered a bride-price of gold and meat, and a new wardrobe for Loki. The Jotnar brought gems and the pelt of one of the royal family's beasts, tusks still attached. Two jotuns had to carry it into the throne room; five Aesir were required to carry it out without dragging it on the ground. Thor watched them leave and wondered whether it had been a war-beast or someone's pet.

~

He saw little of the jotun the first few weeks after the wedding. Loki sat beside Balder at the feast table, speaking rarely but eating with a voracious appetite that caused others to tease Balder about how much energy he was draining from his bride. The two stayed often in Balder's quarters, or else walked around the palace together, Balder speaking while Loki listened and watched everything.

Thor didn't involve himself. He knew Balder and his new spouse were struggling to know each other. It was likely made worse by Balder moping over his lost love.

He still disliked the idea of a jotun living within Asgard's walls. But so far Loki had behaved unthreateningly.

Thor wondered if Laufey had sent his youngest child because Loki was too passive and docile to be of use to him, and let the jotun be.

~

The first time Loki became of interest to him was when Thor found him on the training grounds, firing arrows at one of the targets.

It was before dawn and the grounds should have been empty. Thor was returning from an ale house when he saw the lights.

Loki had set one dim lamp beside the target and placed another, fainter one near himself. Thor stayed in the shadows and watched as the jotun methodically emptied a quiver into the inner circle of the target until there was no room left, and revised all his previous tentative thoughts on Loki's harmlessness.

~

He returned the next night at the same time, but Loki was not there.

Thor returned the next, and Loki still was absent. But the night after that, he found the jotun in the training area once again, firing at a target until it bristled and the arrows began glancing off the shafts already embedded in the straw.  
  
  
There was no order to the jotun's appearances on the training ground, but it was always during the cover of dark.

Sometimes he arrived when it was barely past the middle of the night. Other times he only came briefly before daybreak. He always slipped away before others arrived.

Thor set up mirrors beside his balcony and bed to catch the lamplight at night, so he could be alerted to Loki's presence without having to prowl the training grounds each evening like a burglar. The jotun had done nothing so far save train silently by himself; but Thor distrusted his secretiveness.

One night Loki came to the area early, and stayed so long Thor dressed and made his way down there again.

He leaned against a pillar in the shadows of the walkway and watched as the jotun began shooting at a third target. Two others were full already; one had collapsed under too much weight. Thor wondered who Loki was stealing his quivers from.

He had been there a decent span of time when one of Loki's arrows glanced badly off a shaft in the target. It careened up, arcing backward to strike the pillar above Thor. He tensed.

Loki didn't turn to retrieve his lost arrow. Instead he drew another and notched it into the bow.

He fired four more cleanly. And then the fifth struck another shaft badly and banked again, this time hitting lower down the pillar, closer to Thor.

Thor lowered his brows and thought of all the other times he had watched the jotun train. He had never made such errors before. Either he was severely distracted tonight, or....

As Loki drew another arrow, Thor pushed away from the pillar. "Do you intend to continue your threats?"

"My sincerest apologies," Loki replied, not looking behind him as he nocked the arrow. "I had no idea an Aesir would be skulking in the shadows like a dog, spying on me. I hope you are not injured."

Thor revised quite a few other pre-existing thoughts about Loki as the jotun shot cleanly into the target once more.

He stepped onto the walkway. "What are you doing here?"

"Practicing," Loki replied, still not looking back. He reached for another arrow, only to find his quiver empty. "As I have permission to do."

"At this time of night?" Thor derided.

" **When** I might do so was never explicitly stated," the jotun answered. He strode across the training grounds to his targets and began wresting arrows from them. "And why are you here, Aesir? Has this become a popular hour to train?"

Loki wrenched another arrow loose, spilling straw at his feet. "Have I been interfering with your practice time? Is that why you've been lurking here so often?"

"You are a sharp-tongued thing," Thor noted. "No wonder Balder doesn't address your absence."

A harsh smirk darted over the jotun's mouth at that, caught for a breath in the lamplight before it was swallowed beneath his condescending mask. "Were you seeking a gap to be filled? If you move swiftly, you may have some time before the servants begin to wake."

"Have a care who you speak to, jotun," Thor said tersely.

Loki finally glanced over his shoulder.

He stared narrowly for a pause before tilting his face away again. "Tch."

Loki exhaled harshly and returned to retrieving arrows. "I should have guessed it was you. Why are you here, Prince?"

"Because you are," Thor said bluntly, still riled by the earlier insults. "Why are you sneaking about at this hour, jotun? What are you hiding?"

"Nothing," Loki answered shortly, yanking the last of the arrows from the one target. He moved on to the next. "I was awake. This place is too full during the day, so I chose to make use of it now."

"And that's all," Thor drawled.

"Tell me, what could I be hiding?" Loki answered. He braced a foot against the target to wrench out a particularly embedded arrow. "You have been watching me since I began coming here."

"Mm," Thor said, resting his arms on the railing. "You shouldn't be here at this hour. You are suspicious."

"How I fill my nights is not for you to decide."

"No," Thor agreed. "It's for your husband to do. So you should return to your rooms."

Loki tossed the arrows to the ground and gave him a slow, poisonous look. Thor stared back.

At long last, Loki gathered up the arrows. When he was finished refilling the quivers, he dropped them beside the weapons rack and strode out of the training area, back straight, ignoring Thor.

Thor followed him long enough to ensure he returned to Balder's quarters. Then he made his way to his own, still restless with distrust and aggravation.

~

He spoke to Balder about it the next day. His brother only shook his head.

"I wondered why he was so sullen this morning," he murmured. "I told him it was fine, Thor. He's doing nothing wrong."

Thor raised an eyebrow.

"He likes hunting," Balder explained. "I haven't taken him out much yet, and he didn't wish to fall out of practice. I told him it was fine. Let him be."

"If he wants to practice, he can do so at a decent hour, with others," Thor answered. "Even if he intends no harm, sneaking about at night looks ill."

"He doesn't like being around Aesir," Balder said, shifting in his chair. "We already ask much by having him attend meals in the crowded hall and wear an imitation of our skin every hour. Expecting me to deny him this little peace is cruel, Thor."

Thor exhaled harshly through his teeth, but slumped back in his seat. "You are too soft-hearted, Balder," he replied. "Expecting him to share his husband's bed at night is reasonable, not cruel. At least tell him not to go out until dawn. It's still fairly empty then, until the Einherjar have eaten."

Balder's face reddened.

"I don't expect him to stay in the bed when it's empty," he mumbled, looking away.

Thor straightened, a smile washing away his previous vexation. "You've made things well with your goddess?"

"...Yes," Balder answered, still embarrassed.

Thor shook his head, grinning wider. "Be pleased! I worried you'd make yourself unhappy for far longer before you came to your senses."

"This...arrangement insults all three of us," Balder said, scowling at the flagstones. "But if I have made the decision to be a poor husband, I can at least not be a cruel one."

He looked up. "I know you don't trust the Jotnar, Thor. But he's only seeking some time to himself, doing something he enjoys, after having his will overridden to fulfill this contract between our realms. If I am doing the same, I won't take that from him."

Thor studied Balder's set expression.

At last he sighed again, and propped his chin in his hand. "Sometimes I think you are **too** good, brother," Thor said with a half-smile. "But very well. When you put it in that way, I'd be heartless to disagree."

Balder quirked the corner of his mouth and nodded.

Thor thumped him on the shoulder and told him not to be so sour about having made peace with his lady-love, and turned the discussion to her. He left when Balder had cheered up.

~

The next time the mirror alerted him that Loki was on the grounds at night, Thor roused himself from bed, dressed, and went to join him.

Loki's glare on his arrival was icy enough to chill. He dropped his bow without speaking and turned to depart.

"I am not here to drive you off," Thor said, lifting a hand.

"If you are _here_ , then you are doing precisely that," Loki said harshly. "Leave me in **peace**."

"You have been in Asgard barely two months," Thor told him. "The skirmishes started on Jotunheim's side. You do yourself no favors, using the cover of dark to practice martial skills."

Loki gave him a long, cold, calculating look.

"And a chaperone will alter that?" he asked at last.

Thor nodded.

Loki spat in the dirt to the side and muttered something indistinguishable but presumably insulting. But he only turned back to his target and caught up his bow, disregarding Thor's presence.

Thor set up another target on the opposite side of the field and loosed Mjölnir from his belt. Loki ignored him the entire time he remained on the grounds.

~

The first several times they practiced silently in their own areas. But such behavior was unnatural to Thor, and finally he began prodding Loki into conversation.

The jotun was reticent at first, answering in monosyllables or mere sidelong stares. But after the first time the guards were drawn to the grounds by the sound and light and left after Thor assured them all was well--Loki was a restless sleeper, and Thor never rejected an offer to spar--the jotun made a pretense at civility.

Loki continued to visit the training grounds intermittently, always at night, always for irregular durations of time. Thor grew used to his sleep being disrupted. He left ale houses earlier in the evenings now; his friends had begun harrying him for the name of his new lover.

After a couple months, the two of them were on tentatively amicable terms.

"You could shoot quicker if you removed your gloves," Thor said once from his seat, readjusting the new counterweight on Mjölnir. The last one had shattered on a troll's skull.

"I could," Loki agreed, nocking another arrow.

Thor shook his head. "Why do you wear so many layers?" he asked. "I'd think you would be hot here, not the opposite."

"This skin is disgusting," Loki replied. "Fragile and soft. I'll wear it, but I won't be made to touch it."

Thor was silent.

Loki's next two arrows struck wide before he regained control of himself. He left the training grounds soon after; he didn't return for nearly a fortnight.

~

In time the jotun grew incorporated into Asgard.

Enough guards observed him and Thor on the training grounds that Loki at last began to visit them once a week in the daytime. He still arrived close to dawn.

He began to speak to others more frequently, and slowly revealed a talent for pranks and insulting verse that often left Balder scrabbling to intercede and pacify his victims while Loki grinned behind him. 

The librarians were told by Odin to be tolerant of Loki's drifting through the stacks, even when Loki began taking books and scrolls back to Balder's quarters at will and insulting the Aesir's cataloging scheme. Frigga invited him more often to join her and the other goddesses, but Loki shied away as much as he could without insult until he discovered she was also a magic user.

He learned weaving, but hated it. He wouldn't sit at it for long unless someone was reading aloud or telling stories. Balder occasionally wore a tunic Loki had made for duty's sake; Thor knew neither of them cared about the item. He had little to do with Frey's own jotun wife when the god brought her to Asgard.

He was a very good hunter, from a distance. When a creature turned wild from pain and rushed him, Loki could bring it down--but his knife work was sloppy and frenetic, full of too many unnecessary strikes. Loki practically spat at him when Thor said as much, but in his defense Balder was bandaging his bleeding arm at the time.

"There," Balder said, carefully tying the bandage off. The boar that had gored Loki's arm lay beside the fire, neck broken and fur crusted with blood and viscera. "How does that feel?"

"It still hurts," Loki said dryly, chewing gingerly on a strip of willow bark.

Balder made an apologetic noise. "I thought there was a healing stone in my supplies," he replied. "We'll return tomorrow. We can use this for a feast when your arm's healed."

Loki shook his head, but only made an agreeing sound.

As his brother hauled the boar off to tie it in a tree for the night, Thor fed more wood into the fire. "You **do** strike wildly," he added. "You need to spend more time training on hand-to-hand combat and less on shooting."

Thor reached out to wipe away a dribble of blood trickling down Loki's arm. "You're lucky this wasn't your string arm."

Loki stiffened violently under his touch.

A breath later, Thor recalled his remarks about Aesir skin. He drew his hand away, and returned to feeding the fire.

"I **am** trained," Loki said, scowling. "It was reflex. I tried to manipulate ice that wasn't there, and it got past my guard."

"Ah," Thor replied, thinking about it. "That makes sense."

He opened their supply bag and pulled out the dried fish. "You should go hunting more in winter, then."

Loki gave him a lengthy sidelong look. But when Thor held out the fish, he took a share.  
  
  
Thor took first watch that night. He sat by the fire and cleaned Mjölnir, listening to the wind and the distant predators and the complete silence from his brother and Loki's tent.

~

Slowly the season turned to summer.

One warm night Thor arrived at the training grounds to see Loki shirtless and barefoot, wearing only his gloves and wristguard as he shot. The sight was so incongruent with everything he knew of the jotun that Thor asked the first thing that came to mind: "Are you ill?"

"It is hot," Loki said tersely.

"Why are you still wearing gloves?" Thor asked in bemusement. "When you collapse of heatstroke, I'll have to carry you to the healers'. You'll be touching Aesir skin then regardless."

"I will not get heatstroke from wearing gloves," Loki retorted.

"I suppose we'll see."

Loki's long-suffering sigh dragged out until Thor laughed.  
  
  
"You're a shapeshifter, are you not?" Thor asked, when Loki dropped his bow earlier than usual and prepared to leave. "Shouldn't this form make the weather bearable?"

"I have lived my entire life in Jotunheim," Loki said without emotion. "Your seasons demand adjustment. A changed form only aids so far. How do you know this little? Do you not speak to Odin?"

Thor was silent for so long that Loki looked over.

"Not often," he answered.

"Hm," the jotun said appraisingly. Thor gave him a sharp look.

Loki merely shrugged it off. They said nothing more on the matter before he left.  
  
  
Loki eventually ceased wearing gloves a few weeks into summer. He arrived at the training grounds earlier and earlier, coming when the night was coolest and staying for shorter spans.

Thor began calling rain as he dressed to meet him: brief storms that spat a light drizzle and chilled the air. Never enough to put out the lamps or drench the targets.

The first time he'd done it, Loki was watching for him when he arrived. He'd stared at Thor in silence for a very long time as he set up his own target, until Thor assumed he was offended at having his weakness addressed. He was surprised when the jotun spoke.

"Thank you," Loki had said neutrally.

When Thor had looked over, Loki turned away and resumed his practice. He hadn't spoken again.

By the middle of summer, Loki stopped coming to the grounds at all.

~

Balder had a smaller bed built and set up on the balcony for Loki, where he would have cooler air. Thor began calling storms more often, replenishing Asgard's water stores to counter the cold baths that Loki and Frey's wife took during the middle of the day. He heard gossip among the servants that Balder did not share the new bed with his spouse, ostensibly because even the heat of another's skin was more than Loki could bear. And yet Gerd was not claiming the same.

He spoke to Balder about it one afternoon. Thor invited his brother to his own quarters, because Loki was sprawled in the tub in Balder's own and would remain there until either the water was too lukewarm to soothe him or the day's heat broke.

"You cannot neglect him completely," Thor warned. "Not so blatantly."

"I do not!" Balder insisted.

Thor patted his shoulder. "I am glad you're happy with Nanna," he promised. "I don't wish you miserable, Balder. But you must balance them. When the Jotnar return with the year's tributes, he could send word back with them. It would wreck all this was meant to salvage."

"I do _not_ ," Balder replied, pulling away and shoving out of his seat to stalk the floor. "I swear! I've told Odin and Frigga the same. I don't neglect him. It's only for the season."

Thor made a long, considering noise, and finally nodded.

"I believe you," he said, because Balder did not lie. "But when the weather turns cooler again, you need to get a child with him. That's the cause of this talk. He can bear them, right?" Thor added, frowning briefly. "He's like Gerd only without the bosom, isn't he?"

Balder, still moving, blushed deeply.

"That isn't..." he started. "Yes, but...."

He stopped behind his chair and gripped its back, fumbling for his words. "Yes. But he...I mean, other than that, he is male. He was raised a son. It...."

Thor rested a hand on the butt of Mjölnir's shaft. "Neither of you can be accused of perversion for fulfilling marital duties," he said. "Who's claiming such?"

Balder shook his head. "It isn't that. It's...he doesn't. Enjoy being bedded."

He tensed his jaw. "I've tried everything, Thor. I _try_ ," he swore. "I try to make it pleasurable. But nothing works. He says nothing, but I know it's unpleasant to him, and then I...then it's too difficult to...." He made a vague gesture toward his groin, reddening further.

"Ah," Thor said quietly.

Balder pushed away from the chair and paced more agitatedly along the flagstones, shoving his hair back from his face.

"I truly have tried," he repeated. "Nanna has.... She lets me try things with her, to see if they are enjoyable. I spoke with Frey and Gerd. I even went to brothels, and asked what would please a woman."

Thor carefully did not laugh, and pushed out of his chair.

"I believe you," he said again, resting a hand on Balder's shoulder. "Be calm, brother. It sounds as though you've done all you could."

Balder exhaled through his teeth, slumping under the touch and glaring at the floor. "And yet. You're all correct. We need a child."

"There is still time," Thor suggested. "It will be too warm for a while yet. Perhaps when you two are more comfortable with each other--"

He paused when Balder shook his head wearily.

"Being taken as a woman repulses him," he muttered. "My touch on his skin repulses him. We are cordial; but I cannot overcome that. I cannot force him."

Thor let out a long breath. Then he squeezed Balder's shoulder reassuringly.

"You are a good man, brother," Thor told him. "Do not be ashamed of the consequences of that. I'm sorry your life has not gone as you wished it; but we'll think of something."

Balder gave him a weak smile and rubbed tiredly at his face again.

~

Thor made an impressive list of suggestions, drawing the Warriors Three and grudgingly Sif into the process. None worked. They drew up another list, this time with no heed to propriety. It also failed, though Balder confessed he didn't relay two of the suggestions to Loki.

Thor dutifully struggled to put together a third list. In the meantime, he ignored his increasingly recurring dreams.

"Are you sure Balder's doing it properly?" Fandral finally asked at one point, raising an eyebrow over his mug.

"I am not staying in the room to observe," Thor replied drolly.

"Are you sure he **can** be made to feel it's pleasurable?" Sif asked pragmatically. "Perhaps Laufey sent him because he's damaged."

Thor frowned and took a deep draught of ale, mulling over the possibility.

"Hopefully that's not so," Volstagg answered. "Balder will be childless to the end time."

"Only if he can't bear either," Sif replied, draining her mug. "If it's too hateful to endure, he could take a draught to sleep through it. Then he'd only have to have the child."

"You are terrifying," Fandral said drolly. "No wonder you've no desire to wed."

Sif nodded in agreement.

Thor finished his mug slowly.  
  
  
Balder had said he'd spoken to Frey and his wife, so Thor hadn't reached out for their suggestions. But after considering Sif's words, he requested an audience with Gerd.

He sat a fair distance across from her in Frey's hall. Unlike Loki, Gerd only wore the same charm as the Jotnar envoys: it made her skin bearable to touch, but didn't change her appearance. Thor had suffered enough frostbite during the border skirmishes that he kept out of arm's reach reflexively. Gerd did not comment on it.

She commented very little on Loki, either, and shied away from Thor's questions.

"I did not live in Utgard," Gerd said carefully. "I visited once, but I never met the royal family. I know nothing about him."

"Ah," Thor replied. 

Gerd tightened her hands in her skirts at the heavy doubt lacing his tone.

"I knew he was a sorcerer," she replied. "But that's all anyone really mentioned of King Laufey's youngest. We didn't live near enough to Utgard to hear smaller gossip. And I'm no more fit for an audience with him here. I don't know anything of him that isn't already known, Prince Thor."

Her voice was growing more nervous as she spoke, and she was blatantly not looking at Mjölnir. Thor could see Frey shifting on his bench deeper in the hall, though he remained ostensibly focused on sharpening his new sword.

Thor thanked her for her aid and made his farewells.

~

A night later, he woke as a light flashed irritatingly in his eyes. When Thor sat up calling for Mjölnir, he found the mirror on the balcony reflecting a faint glow.

He dressed hastily enough that the storm he'd called barely reached the training grounds before him.

Loki gave him a long look over his shoulder as he prepared a target. "What spell are you using to track me, Prince? I cede. I cannot find it."

Thor chuckled. "No spell."

"Hrm," Loki replied doubtfully, still watching him.

"Are you feeling better?" Thor asked.

"No," Loki replied. "But I will go mad if I grow any softer."

He walked back to his bow. "Do I still need chaperoning? I've yet to cut anyone's throat."

"Physically, no," Thor agreed. "Verbally is another matter."

Loki smirked and did not deny it.

"Is my presence still so hateful?" Thor asked, resting an arm on another of the targets lying stacked to the side.

The jotun paused in nocking his arrow.

"...No," he said at last. "You've grown tolerable."

"You are truly silver-tongued," Thor drawled.

"And you are changing my assessment," Loki answered dryly. He loosed the arrow while Thor laughed.  
  
  
Loki grew flushed soon into the practice, the lamplight reflecting a growing sheen along his skin and hairline. Thor watched with a frown; but before he decided intervention was necessary, Loki let the bow drop with a disgusted noise.

Thor helped him prise his arrows loose from the target and refill his quiver. Loki offered no thanks. His face was still painted with aggravated frustration.

He made another agitated noise when Thor began to walk with him to Balder's quarters. But Thor had seen the jotun balancing himself subtly on stands and the railing as he moved, and he refused to be dissuaded.

"I am not an invalid," Loki said tartly. "I can climb stairs."

"You are not fully well, either," Thor replied.

As they made their way along the corridor, Thor hesitated before adding, "I had thought it a ruse."

Loki glanced over with an arched eyebrow. "To what purpose?"

"I couldn't tell," Thor answered. "This form truly doesn't help?"

"It is not intolerable," Loki replied at last, as they reached the stairwell. "Only unpleasant. In time I should adapt."

Thor made a considering noise.

~

He had disregarded it when the dreams first started. Loki's Aesir-mimicking form was appealing to gaze at, and he was clever and witty and skilled with ranged weapons. Thor enjoyed his company.

And he had been spending a significant amount of time thinking about sex and Loki.

So the dreams made sense. Thor and his friends had been debating a myriad of ways that Balder could please the jotun in bed--so why wouldn't Thor dream of Loki in his own? Why wouldn't he imagine that sharp smile slackening and those distrustful eyes glazing in similar pleasure, or fantasize how those deft hands would feel working his own flesh?

But eventually they wrung the topic dry. When none of the suggestions helped, and there were no more feasible ones left, Thor let the matter lie. He and Sif and the Warriors Three turned to talking of other things.

Yet the dreams still came.

~

Loki returned to the training grounds again a few days later. But the air was sweltering with a distant gathering storm, and he soon gave in with vexation.

The heat's effect was worse than before: Thor watched Loki brace himself on the stairwell the entire walk up. As they left it, he cupped Loki's arm to steady him.

Loki hissed out a breath, but didn't flinch or tug loose. He did speed up faintly.

When they were in the corridor to Balder's quarters, Thor asked, "Have you grown more used to this skin, then?"

"You may release me," Loki said dryly.

Thor did not. "Have you?"

"Why?" Loki rejoined, with a sidelong suspicious glance.

"Either you are feeling poorly enough that you should see the healers," Thor replied, tapping his thumb against Loki's elbow to point out how long the jotun had tolerated his touch, "or you and Balder have other issues to address. Why do you find him hateful?"

Loki jerked his arm loose so abruptly it caught Thor off-guard.

"Another foolish question, Odinson," he said coldly. "You play this game poorly. I'm well aware you and your allies have been plotting. Don't think yourself a real adversary. I face better than you."

Thor frowned at that for several reasons; but he only addressed one. "If you mean our efforts to help you and my brother's marital problems, we were discreet."

Loki snorted derisively.

"Really," he drawled. "When you all speak there are no passersby, no servants coming to and fro, no spouses or lovers the topic is mentioned to?"

Thor studied him.

"If you feel you've been humiliated by others discussing you, that was not the intent," he said. "The purpose was to help Balder, and so you."

"I do not need Aesir help."

"You are going to have a very difficult life here if you isolate yourself further," Thor warned.

Loki clenched a fist at his side.

"Do not speak to me of political gamesmanship, Odinson," he hissed. "You interfere in the lives of others while having none of the burdens. You know nothing."

"Then enlighten me," Thor replied. "Who are these adversaries you're facing?"

Loki's expression closed off further. "My life is no concern to you outside how it affects your brother, Prince," he said shortly. "You have no claim on me. Good night."

He turned and strode down the hall.

Thor followed, but Loki reached the doors to Balder's quarters before him. It was near enough to dawn that the guard was changing and the palace servants were beginning to pass by; Thor had to let Loki disappear inside or else cause a scene.  
  
  
Loki did not return to the training grounds for the rest of the summer.

~

For a week, Thor only saw the jotun from a distance in the meal hall or glimpsed him briefly in the palace corridors before Loki spotted him and chose another route.

After a second week of rejection and evasion, Thor took the matter to Balder.

"It's Odin," he answered, when Thor addressed Loki's claim of enemies in the palace.

Thor blinked. "Father?"

He frowned as he recalled the blankness in Loki's voice when he'd referenced Odin's knowledge of magic.

Balder nodded, shifting aside the armor he'd been cleaning when Thor arrived. "The two of them are in some duel, seeking each other's magic. I try to pull him back when he turns too antagonistic, but." Balder let out a breath. "He does not particularly listen to me."

Thor watched his brother for a long, silent moment, and wondered if he had been focused on the wrong danger of allowing Loki into Asgard.

He should have paid less attention to the jotun's shooting. It would've been wiser to be more concerned about his corrupting influence.

"Why haven't you said anything of this sooner?" Thor asked.

His tone revealed his thoughts. Balder gave him a disappointed look.

"Odin knows," he answered. "He's the one who demanded Loki for this marriage over the other Laufeysons. He didn't wish Laufey to keep such a powerful tool."

Thor was silent for much longer at those last words.

Balder rested his hands on his thighs. "I know you don't trust the Jotnar, Thor. You take your duties as guardian of Asgard more seriously now."

"Now?" Thor interjected, raising an eyebrow.

Balder gave him a wry look. "I did know you when we were younger," he pointed out.

Thor's mouth twitched in a grimace before he could stop it, but he turned it into a half-smile. "Conceded," he replied. "But?"

"...But this is Odin's battle," Balder continued. "He chose it. ...And I think Loki is losing."

He looked aside. "He's spoken with you more than anyone, recently. Did you know?"

Thor blinked again. "No."

Balder nodded. "He has. He used to talk to me, sometimes, because there was no one else. But the more of Odin's traps he falls to, the more he closes off. You did something that finally convinced him you weren't one of the All-father's spies, but since your argument he no longer trusts anyone."

Thor frowned again at the idea that the pleasantries between himself and Loki equaled trust to the jotun. Just how absent was it in his life that those small things qualified?

". . . And the weather is turning," Balder added lowly into the silence.

Thor gave him a bemused look.

"It will no longer be summer soon," Balder clarified, still staring out into his rooms. "We must begin to share the same bed again, or there'll be no end to the gossip. Nanna will be dragged into it no matter how careful I am."

"Ah," Thor murmured.

Balder hissed a slow breath out through his teeth.

"I will never really have his trust," he said, hands flexing on his thighs. "Not with the situation we are in. But--if you could amend things between you two, it would be something he has here."

"You are very kindhearted," Thor replied, shaking his head.

"So many say that as if it is a weakness," Balder answered with surprising terseness. "I know how he feels. But Asgard is my home, and I have Nanna. He is in exile and has no one. At first he treated this battle with Odin as a game, but it is consuming him. I cannot stop it, Thor. I've tried. You are the one closest to a friend to him."

". . . That cannot be right," Thor replied carefully. "We are cordial."

"You've seen him with others, haven't you?" Balder said, finally looking over with a humorless smile. "You are the closest he has to a friend here."

Thor rubbed a hand against his beard.

Balder tilted his face away again. "If he loses even that, I don't know how reckless he may turn."

He set his jaw. "If Odin designed this marriage as a way to learn all he could from Jotunheim's strongest sorcerer and then render him unstable enough to be justifiably executed, I do not want to be a piece in it. At least not a passive one."

Thor startled. "Surely that's too callous--"

He stopped.

Thor considered it, tapping his knuckles restlessly on the chair arm. "...That couldn't be his plan. There would be ramifications. Laufey would rebel for sure."

"What would it gain him if he lacks his best sorcerer?" Balder replied. "Odin beat him the last time. And he's removed the unanticipated threat risen since then."

Thor didn't reply. Balder shifted restlessly in his chair and finally picked up his armor.

"I understand the All-father's intent," he said quietly. "He is doing what he thinks best to protect Asgard. But I cannot agree with his methods."

He toyed with a buckle distractedly. "It may have been a pretense of a wedding, taking a hostage under polite terms rather than an actual vow of marriage, but I still swore to be an ally to him. If I have shared meals and a bed and my thoughts with him and then turn my back as he's harried, I am an oath-breaker."

Balder clenched the armor tightly. "I know at best it will be claimed my mind was poisoned by his lies until I didn't realize I was acting wrongly. At worst, I'll be marked a traitor. But there must be a way to mend this before the damage is irreparable. It doesn't have to end in murder."

Thor thought of his earlier fears of Loki's corrupting presence. He had begun to be manipulated without even realizing it.

". . . I admire your convictions, Balder," he said at last. "Even when I don't desire to emulate them."

Balder chuckled mirthlessly.

"It may not be as bad as you fear," Thor offered. "There would be severe ramifications no matter what. Father has been adamant about avoiding another war."

"You've known him better for far longer than I, brother," Balder replied. "Do you think my suspicions wrong?"

". . . No," Thor answered after a very long time.

Balder nodded once, and stared down at the armor.

"He wants to defend Asgard," he said quietly. "We all do. But there must be another way. I swore."

Thor took a deep breath.

"Be at ease," he smiled, reaching out and clasping Balder's shoulder. "If you think my being a friend to him helps, then I'll try to mend things between us."

"It did," Balder said. "I hope it will again."

Thor nodded. After another breath, he quirked his mouth.

"I _do_ miss his company," he admitted wryly. "At least the pleasant parts. But you're going to have to help me trick him into staying in my presence long enough to listen."

Balder half-smiled with genuine relief. "I will. Thank you, Thor."

"I said we would think of something," Thor reminded him, because if Balder felt the need to lean on their being brothers then this truly mattered to him. It was Thor who addressed him as such, not the other way around; in Balder's heart his family were those who'd raised him. "And we will."

Balder smiled a little more.

~

The next week, Balder and Loki left Asgard for a hunting trip. When Thor met them on the road to the woods, Loki turned in his saddle and gave Balder a long, silent stare.

"Very clever wordplay," he said at last, as Thor guided his horse to fall in beside them.

"It was not a lie," Balder defended.

Loki faced forward again, shifting the reins in his hand. "You've grown better at that."

"I have, unfortunately, had an excellent teacher," Balder answered with a tiny smile.

Loki scoffed under his breath. But he didn't turn back toward the palace.  
  
  
The season was not right for deer yet. But the trip was saved from being tedious when, while flushing out hares, they riled a bilgesnipe from its hidden nest.

Thor swiped an arm over his face, smearing blood as he attempted to push away his clinging hair. His face ached from his grin, even as his heart slowly began to calm its pounding.

Balder dropped his mace to the churned ground and braced his hands heavily on his thighs. "Why does every hunting trip with you end this way, Thor?!"

He grinned wider. "Because you don't seek exciting enough game on your own it seems, Balder!"

His brother made a deeply aggrieved noise and wiped the sweat from his eyes.

Loki appraised the creature as he worked his knives out of its underbelly. "Is it edible?"

"No," Balder answered, as Thor replied, "I've never tried."

"Volstagg says they aren't," Balder told him.

"Ah." Thor nodded, accepting the superior epicure's wisdom.

"I'm surprised you haven't attempted it," Loki said dryly, responding to Thor. "I thought berserkers ate the hearts of their enemies, drank from their skulls, so on."

Thor tried to scowl at him, but he was still too pleased from the fight. "No."

"Hmm," was all Loki said, smirking faintly. Thor managed a better scowl.

Balder exhaled with a rasp and caught up his mace. "Let's make sure there's no eggs and move on. There'll be no more game here."

Loki ignored him and paced the bilgesnipe, studying it.

When he crouched next to its snout, Thor paused in shaking the gore from Mjölnir. "Careful. It's venomous."

Loki made a quiet noise and used the tip of his throwing knife to lift the creature's jowls.

"The eggs," Balder repeated.

Thor blinked and looked over, surprised by the harder tone.

"I'll meet you there," Loki replied distantly, still examining the fangs.

"Loki," Balder said in heavy warning. "I do not think that's wise."

When the jotun looked over at him slowly, Thor remembered the competition between Loki and Odin.

He shook the rest of the gore from Mjölnir's head more carefully, watching Loki's hands. Loki glanced from Balder to him for a breath, and then turned away.

He wiped his blade on the grass and rose to his feet. "Very well," Loki said evenly, sliding the knife back in its holster. "If there's more destruction to be done, set me to it."

Balder huffed through his teeth. But whatever the words were baiting him toward, he did not take it.

Thor lingered behind as Balder followed Loki back to the bilgesnipe's nest. When the area was cleared, he called for a storm.

Thor wrenched down the lightning and charred the bilgesnipe's corpse, until the head was aflame and the rest blackened to uselessness.  
  
  
When he caught up to them in the cramped, flooding nest, Loki only gave him a disparaging look.

~

The fight had frightened off much of the game in the area, and the storm drove the rest to shelter. They supplemented the meager brace of quail they caught with their rations.

Loki drew second watch, but Thor finally had to go to his and Balder's tent to rouse him for it. When they'd left and Thor was turning toward his own, Loki said, "Wait."

Thor looked over his shoulder. Loki settled on the log beside the fire and gestured to him. "You obviously had a reason for this ruse. So let's hear it."

Thor shook his head, but went over. "I wouldn't have needed a ruse if you weren't practically climbing out windows whenever you saw me."

"Yes, insulting me is a good beginning," Loki drawled.

Thor gave him a look as he kicked a stone closer and sat down on it across from him. "You _were_ evading me."

"Mm," Loki replied. He shifted along the log so he was no longer so close to Thor or the flames' heat. "I had nothing to say to you, Prince."

"I find that unlikely," Thor said with a faint smile. "If you had nothing _flattering_ to say, that would be more believable."

"Tch," Loki answered; but he looked away to push down a smirk.

He did not turn back afterward. Instead, he stared at Balder's cape stretched out beside the fire, drying after the blood and viscera splatters had been rinsed from the fur.

"Why are the matters of our bedchamber such a concern to you?" Loki asked, in a voice Thor couldn't interpret. "Do all Aesir involve themselves in their little brothers' sexual affairs this way? Have I merely been misinterpreting a cultural phenomena?"

"Do you want me to answer only the sincere question, or the sarcastic ones as well?" Thor replied.

Loki gave him a cold glance.

Thor ignored it and rested his forearms on his thighs. "You and Balder are the subject of rumors. Especially with Gerd now living in Asgard. Her and Frey's marriage is visibly more affectionate than yours. It does not help matters."

Loki snorted derisively. "You'll forgive me if threats of a pissant rune-charm for longing and raving and lust are not enough to make me cower to a husband."

Thor frowned but could not argue. Skirnir had a wide mouth, and anyone who'd shared an ale hall with him had heard his tale of how he'd prevailed on Gerd to wed Frey.

"Regardless," Thor said. "Gossip grows. Especially as you offend more with your verses."

"That is a flaw in Asgard's and Balder's leniency," Loki replied coolly. "You allow your servants too much freedom, if they believe themselves safe after feeding scandal."

"I do not see us adopting Utgard's methods any time soon," Thor answered with a long look.

Loki lifted a shoulder negligently.

Thor exhaled through his teeth. "Whether you feel it a flaw in our ways or not, there are rumors."

"Which are fed by the fact that Balder is not as subtle at slipping out of his chambers to visit his woman as he thinks he is," Loki said flatly.

Thor tilted his head. "Are you jealous?"

Loki snorted again. "No. It isn't worth the effort of finding out who she is. But the gossip is not fostered solely by my frigidity," he rejoined. "You may have tried to twist it that way with your plotting, but the matter remains that Balder the Bright is not as pure as the Aesir need to believe."

Thor studied him.

Loki finally made a harsh noise under his breath and glared at the cape again. "This is pointless."

"Your anger will not help you against my father," Thor said quietly. Loki tensed. "If you keep feeding it, he will wrest it around and turn it against you. He is very skilled at that."

Loki clenched his fists in his lap. "I do not need your aid, Odinson."

"You do not want it," Thor replied. "They are not the same thing."

Loki tightened his fists until his gloves creaked. "Enough," he said harshly. "I know what you are. I know why you are trying to drive me to birth an heir. Cease _pretending_ you care, you are more offensive than any of the rest."

"What?" Thor replied.

Loki gave him an ugly grin. "Do you think me a fool?" he retorted. "A child will render me unnecessary. There will still be something of Laufey's blood held hostage here, and it can be kept as stupid and weak as need be for the Aesir to remain superior."

". . . What?" Thor said again, leaning back. Loki glowered at him.

But as he watched Thor, slowly his expression changed.

Finally he stifled a choking noise. Loki pressed a hand to his face, curling in on himself as he laughed. Thor frowned hard at the edge of panic running beneath it.

"Oh, I hate you," Loki managed between coughed, forced chuckles. "I cannot tell if you are the best liar I've met or if you are truly this blind."

"You would not be harmed after having a child," Thor said forcefully. "You are a citizen of Asgard now. You have been promised safety, so long as you harm no one yourself."

"Yes, and there is no way an oath-breaker such as Odin Borsson would rescind that," Loki mocked, face still hidden, mouth still twisted with that apprehensive sneer. "Not the god born of giants, who murdered his own blood. Of course he may be trusted blindly. Are you and Balder even his **sons**?" he spat. "How has he deceived you so well?"

Thor took a moment to gather his control.

For all Loki's insulting words, the fear and rage in his frame was palpable. It was a mixture Thor was familiar with; he could have been looking through a scrying lens to his younger self.

Balder had been right. Thor recognized his father's work.

"We do not doubt that the king of Asgard is ruthless in his defense of this realm," Thor said carefully. "But you are still here as a marriage partner. You cannot be harmed without consequence."

"Oh, well-played," Loki responded, his grin showing teeth. "But there is always a trick to circumvent inconveniences such as that. Especially when your kingdom is the one in ascendancy."

"Is there anything I can say that will convince you you are safe?" Thor asked. "Or have his words poisoned you so deep that you believe you have no recourse against him?"

Loki jerked back, finally looking at him again.

"--He is called the 'All-father' for a reason," he mustered a few moments later.

"And yet Asgard is only one of nine realms," Thor replied evenly. "If we abuse the rest so flagrantly, it will mean war unending."

"And a war god would never have use for that," Loki said quietly.

Thor scowled. "I do not court it purposelessly."

"Oh," Loki answered, "are you one too?"

Thor stilled.

". . . You have been used poorly in this negotiation," he said at last. "You and Balder both. But do not let him convince you he has power over you that he does not. You are here as a prince's spouse and a prince in your own right. You are now an Asgardian. If a pissant rune-charm isn't enough to make you cower, don't let threats of being expendable do so either."

Loki stared at him narrowly in silence for a very long time.

"He will never make you king," he murmured. "You would undo everything he's built in an effort to be noble."

"--Unless prophesy is one of your skills, I'm not inclined to heed your words," Thor managed. "I've lived with him longer than you. He cannot have power over you that you do not give him."

Loki made a vague noise in the back of his throat. "Perhaps that would be true if I were a son of his, not an expatriate in his realm."

He threw another branch into the fire and dragged Balder's cloak closer to it with a foot, and altered the topic. "If that was not your purpose," Loki asked grudgingly, "why does it matter to you if we have a child?"

"It will stem gossip," Thor answered. "And it would mean you've found a way for sex to be pleasurable for the both of you."

Loki gave him another sidelong look. But this one wasn't as distrustful as the others.

"You should know my brother well enough now to know he would not get you with a child if he felt you forced to endure it," Thor told him. "A heir would mean you'd both come to enjoy the marriage bed."

"Why does that _matter?_ "

Thor frowned at him in confusion.

"He is my brother and my friend," he said at last, when Loki only continued to glare and wait for an explanation. "I do not want him unhappy. I don't wish you miserable, either."

Loki set his jaw. "Why?"

Thor spread his hands slightly. "I enjoy your company. I do not normally wish my friends unhappy."

Loki scrutinized him.

Finally he made a harsh noise in the back of his throat and glared back at the fire.

"Very well, Prince," he replied. "Have you spoken your piece?"

"Clearly not, if you are still angry," Thor said dryly.

Loki snorted and then shook his head, pinching his brow.

"You are incomprehensible," he muttered. "...Go rest, Thor. I've kept you from your bed long enough."

When Thor did not immediately move, Loki huffed.

"Your words have been heard," he said. "I will think on them."

"Mm," Thor replied. But it was a promise, if a slight one. "Good. I'll see you in the morning, Loki."

"Nn."

Thor tugged the cape back far enough from the fire that the fur wouldn't catch aflame--no one had had much success at hunting unicorns anymore--and left for his tent.  
  
  
In the morning, Thor woke before dawn to catch Balder alone on the third watch. He relayed just how badly the combat between Odin and Loki had apparently grown, and warned Balder to be more cautious when visiting Nanna.

"Have you mentioned her name to no one else?" Thor asked. It had been a surprise that Loki had not known it. Or at least claimed not to.

Balder tensed his jaw and shook his head.

"I knew people like to gossip," he said. "But I never realized how malicious it could be until this marriage. No one ever spoke around me that way before."

Thor supposed it was true. Even when they were all wilder and younger, whenever Balder would join him and Sif and the Warriors Three they would modify their words to suit his presence. It was an instinct around him--he made others aspire to be better versions of themselves.

Balder had admitted once, not long after he'd been moved from his parents' home to the palace and during a time when he and Thor were deep in their cups, that he hated it. Others could leave his presence and no longer be affected; he could not depart from himself.

The burden was endurable when his goal was to be a noble and skilled warrior of Asgard. When he had to become a prince and a potential successor to Odin, it turned crushing.

Balder had never referenced the words again.

Thor wasn't sure if he even remembered them. His new brother had been struggling to beat Thor in the drinking contest, and he'd tied with Volstagg before becoming ill. Thor never readdressed the topic with him; but he didn't forget it, either.

Thor nodded. "Thank you for your trust, brother."

"Thank you for being worthy of it," Balder answered quietly.

~

They ranged farther out that day, rather than returning to Asgard. By early evening, they'd caught a score of hares and a wolf with a fine coat, and cast lots to see who would keep the pelt. Loki won twice by swindles and a third time by luck, and then threatened to wrestle Thor for it when he objected.

" **Good** ," Thor agreed, unlatching his breastplate. "Let's see you cheat your way out of that, sorcerer."

Loki smiled for a breath; and then his skin shifted.

Thor watched it turn leathered and ridged, deepening to a dark blue hue even as his eyes slid to a bloody red, until all that was still familiar about Loki were his hair and his smirk. He felt the chill of old and remembered frostbites brush down his spine.

Loki grinned wider and gestured to him. "Come on then, Prince."

Thor lowered his brows.

Balder had given up on the two of them by this point, but he looked over from the meat he was roasting at that. "He will do it," he warned Loki. "He'll just hold back less."

Loki glanced at him, and then gave Thor a longer, more appraising look.

Thor adjusted his vambraces and cracked his knuckles, and smiled. "Well?" he asked. "On three?"

Balder rubbed the bridge of his nose with the expression of a man who knew he would be helping two others to the healers once they returned to Asgard.

Loki considered him for a few more heartbeats, and finally tched under his breath.

"I don't feel the need to make a habit of being injured on my hunting trips here," he said, as his form shifted back to its Aesir appearance. "It sets a poor precedent. Keep the hide if you desire it so much you turn to physical force to take it from its rightful winner." He kicked the wolf's corpse toward him.

Thor ignored the insults that always followed a challenger backing down in the face of him, and picked up the wolf. "I am obliged, Loki," he said with another grin. "Next time, cheat better so you aren't caught."

" _Please_ do not encourage that," Balder muttered, as Loki snickered.  
  
  
Thor took first watch again that night. All things were the same as the one before, save that this time beneath the wind and the call of predators, the silence in his brother and Loki's tent was replaced with the sound of soft voices.

Thor moved to the farthest side of the fire and sat with his back to it once he understood the meaning. He focused on the woods around them, listening to the blurring noise of leaves and the distant squeak of bats.

But doing so had the opposite effect. It made him too alert, leaving his hearing too focused--every few heartbeats he caught the hitch of a drawn breath or the murmur of a soothing word. Thor set Mjölnir down heavily on the ground and folded his arms on his thighs, curling his fingers around his elbows to keep still.

Under the crackle of the fire there was a sharp grunt, quickly stifled.

The susurration of more words followed: Balder's struggling to comfort, Loki's terse and short. They soon spilled to a low but obvious argument; and then in time they faded away. For a little while Thor caught the occasional noise of a quiet and unsatisfied pant, until at last the tent was still again with false sleep.

He stayed in his place, his back to the camp.

Loki came out early to take the next watch. He and Thor exchanged few words as they traded places. Loki's expression was a blank mask.  
  
  
They rode back to Asgard the next day, the wolf carcass tied to Thor's horse. He told the tale of the fight with the bilgesnipe in an ale house that night with detachment; he spent longer convincing his friends all was well.

~

He had not lied when he'd told Balder he missed Loki's presence. Nonetheless, Thor did not rejoin the sorcerer's company once they returned to Asgard.

There were few easy opportunities to do so. Thor ate at the opposite side of the table from Balder and Loki in the dining hall, and Loki still eschewed the training grounds.

Still, he could have found reasons to visit. Even though when he did speak to Loki they were amicable again, Thor felt he was breaking his promise to Balder by not doing more. But that vague guilt could not bring him to seek Loki out.

The dreams still came.

They remained pleasant, at first. Thor didn't forget the subdued way Loki's breath had hitched as he panted in the tent. He enjoyed imagining how he could tease the sound out of him.

More than once he'd brought himself off to daydreams of learning Loki's body, until he'd found all the places that would make Loki reach out to him with demanding pleas. Until he knew all the ways to touch Loki that would leave the sorcerer tense with need and ordering more.

But if he spent too much time on the fantasies, he would eventually recall the way Loki grunted in pain as he was breeched. And then Thor had to either forcibly turn to other thoughts, or else find a companion for the evening to distract himself.

But if he was asleep, the dreams drifted to a darker turn.

Those talented fingers would seek out every weakness they could reach on Thor, digging into bruises from the day's sparring and prying open half-healed cuts as Loki shivered beneath him on the bed. It would not aid him. The pain would only leave Thor more aware of his body; it would make him focus more sharply on the pleasure he was chasing down within the jotun's own. It would spur him harder until Loki could no longer continue.

The insults Loki would spit at him through gasps would do the same. Loki would prise open all his weaknesses there too, hiss _Odinson_ at him like the curse it sometimes felt to be, remind Thor that for all his efforts he was ever at his core the berserker starving for war that he'd been in his youth. That no attempts to become a better man truly meant anything: they were only gauze to blur sight of the truth, easily stripped away as he took something he craved.

"Like me, Odinson," Loki would hiss in his ear, nails gouging his back, cunt wet and tight and hot around his cock, shaking so fiercely in Thor's grip his teeth would clack on his words. "Don't you wish your father had given you to me instead? **You** would have changed my repulsion to hunger, wouldn't you?"

"Enough, Loki," Thor would rasp, before biting hard on his throat to keep down the rest of the flaying insults welling up within the jotun.

Loki would keen at that, arching impossibly taut beneath him, and Thor would seize him and pin him and take him all the more roughly until Loki had no more strength left and he yielded with a hoarse sob, until only the most brutal thrusts made him writhe feebly against Thor's grasp. He would moan thickly when Thor spilled deep within him. He would lay pliant under him as they both recovered their breath, trembling for as long as Thor's cock remained inside him.

Those dreams might have been bearable, if Thor knew what Loki sounded like as he came in pleasure.

But he did not. That detail was forever missing; he had only Loki's guttural pained hiss, echoed again as Thor tugged out of him.

Thor woke from those dreams with a sour taste in the back of his throat.

If he had not come yet before waking, he never sought companionship. He waited it out rather than giving in, and told himself repeatedly that he was not Skirnir.

If he could not even bear to stay in the bed, he would walk the palace.

~

The last of the summer heat had laid on Asgard most of the day, but a breeze was pushing it away. Thor tilted his face into the wind and breathed out as it cooled his scalp, and followed it along the walkways. It was a full moon; he took no lamp.

He was nearly to the training grounds when the wind shifted direction, turning back and bringing with it the sound of an arrow thunking into a target. There were no lights in the area.

Thor cursed his fortune and immediately turned around.

He did so too sharply; his tunic caught in the wind and snagged on the pillar where a stray thrown weapon had chipped it. As Thor tried to stride away, the fabric lodged tighter into the column.

He cursed the Norn who'd written his fate far more viciously and wrenched at the tunic. The sounds from the training area ceased.

When Thor looked up after ripping free from the stone, he was not surprised to see Loki standing between the pillars and watching him. The sorcerer was struggling not to laugh.

"Truth, Prince," he said, resting the bow against the ground. "What spell are you using? I know it wasn't the lamps this time."

"No spell," Thor forced out.

The words grated in his throat. The walk had not yet fully excised his erection, and Thor swallowed hard and tried not to think of its cause. Loki was dressed, but he had forgone his armor to leave only his gloves and tunic. They would be alone this time of night, they were always alone here--

Loki frowned.

"Are you well?" he asked.

"Yes," Thor said shortly. "I was only walking. I did not mean to interrupt you."

"I cannot believe I ever took you for a good liar," Loki said dryly. "You sound horrid."

He slung the bow over his shoulder and stepped forward, pulling one of the torches from its bracket. "Where are you headed, Thor? The healers or the lavatory?"

Any other day of his life, the unexpected fellowship would have been a pleasure. He _had_ missed Loki's company.

Thor shook his head sharply. "No. I do not wish anyone in my presence now."

Something flickered across Loki's face before it turned more neutral in the firelight.

Thor's guts clenched.

"I mean no offense," he stumbled. "I've had bad dreams. I plan to walk until I am tired again. I will not be pleasant company."

"You must be ill, if you care about giving offense," Loki replied; but his tone was not cold. "Very well. If you feel you'll have more peace in solitude, I'll not force companionship on you."

He set the torch back in its bracket and slid the bow from his shoulder. Thor looked away from his hands.

"Take care," Loki dismissed, half-tilting toward the grounds again. "It seems to be a curse. Do something about yours before it grows as bad as Balder's."

Thor frowned, struggling to parse that meaning through his fog of weariness and unsated desire. "Balder is having bad dreams?"

Loki gave him another considering look.

"Yes," he agreed, speaking more slowly. "The last several days."

"Ah," Thor mumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'll speak to him about it. Tomorrow."

"He'll tell you nothing," Loki answered. "He says they come and go. He tells no one about them."

"He told you," Thor said.

He took a breath afterward, and hoped it had not sounded as jealous as he felt saying it. Loki was his brother's spouse; such intimacies between them were proper.

"Only because he nearly kicked me to the floor with the first one," Loki said wryly. "They make him thrash. Presumably he's warned his woman, too."

Thor frowned. "Are you injured?"

Loki tilted his head faintly.

"I am fine," he replied. "I sleep in my own bed now."

He slid the bow back over his shoulder and again retrieved the torch. "Something is wrong with you, Thor. If you wish to walk, then pace in your quarters. If the Einherjar find you slumped against a wall later, they'll either assume assassination or think you were so deep in your cups you could not make it home."

Thor flinched and peeled his lips back from his teeth in a grimace.

"I was young then," he said harshly. "I have changed."

Loki gave him a sidelong look.

"Most do, when they grow older," was all he said. "Come on. You'll be better off closer to your bed when the weariness catches up to you."

Thor pressed a thumb to the bridge of his nose again, grasping for excuses. "I do not want to intrude on your practice."

"Have faith, Thor, I am going to mock you soundly for this in the future," Loki drawled. "If that helps. You may as well take something in return for it."

Thor pulled his hand away and gave him a long look. "That does not help, no."

"Well," Loki said with a shrug, "I've never felt the truth does."  
  
  
Loki's name of 'silver-tongue' was deserved: the longer Thor argued, the more he became tripped up by the sorcerer's words and counter-retorts.

When Thor recognized that his growing frustration was the same as what he felt in disputes with his father, he gave in. It was better, quicker and simpler, to just walk back and bid Loki good night. Allowing himself to grow infuriated over thoughts of Odin would do him no favors now.

Especially not in Loki's presence. Not after the dream that had set Thor to walking in the first place. If the jotun sneered 'Odinson' at him now, Thor would either strike him in the face or take him against the wall. Neither were acceptable.

Loki continued to scrutinize him as they made their way along the corridors.

By the time they reached his quarters, Thor couldn't look him in the eyes. He slid through his door with a mumbled good night.

In the hall on the other side, Loki remained in place for several long, silent moments. Then, at last, Thor heard him turn and slowly walk away.

He did not sleep for the rest of the night.

~

He paid for it the next day. By sparring practice he was tired enough that Sif got her spear through his guard and sliced open his cheek; by the time it was taken care of at the healers', he'd requested dinner in his quarters.

Frigga sent one of Idunn's apples along with it. Thor ate a quarter of it and less of the meal, and collapsed in his bed.  
  
  
He woke in the middle of the night, body tense and cock aching from the dream he'd left. He'd pinned Loki to the pillar by the training grounds, hauled him up and taken him against the stone until the jotun's legs flexed tight around his waist and his fingers clenched bruisingly hard into Thor's shoulders, and all the while Loki had panted and goaded and laughed at him no matter how rough Thor grew, his voice harsh in Thor's ears.

The taunts Loki had hissed were all the crueler for their deceptive gentleness: _That's right, I know you, Odinson_ , and _I know why you try so hard and why you'll always fail_ , and _I know how you still feel when you must face him_ , and worst of all, _I understand you better than your 'brother' ever can_.

Thor kicked loose of the sweat-damp sheets and staggered out to the terrace.

He groped for a storm as he moved. Thor let out a long, weary exhale as the first winds swept past, pushing back his hair and cooling his skin. He gripped the railing tight.

The universe poured out across the sky above, not yet obscured by the clouds rushing toward him. Thor stared up at it and wondered if he should just leave Asgard for a time, until he quelled this depravity in himself. There were always trolls to be fought. He could pack now and go at dawn.

"You have a curious definition of 'bad' dreams," a voice said above and to his right.

Mjölnir was in his hand before Thor finished turning, his lips peeled back from his teeth. Above, Loki tensed in his seat on the rain-spigot, his hands curving before him.

Thor caught hold of himself before he followed through with the strike.

He forced his arm back down to his side, but couldn't turn loose of Mjölnir yet. Thor twisted its hilt in his palm as he scowled up at Loki. "Do you make a habit of sneaking around others' balconies in the dark?"

"I do when they're liars," Loki replied, still tense. Thor narrowed his gaze.

The pose was unnatural; and there was no rise or fall in Loki's chest even as he spoke.

Thor snorted. "I don't care to hear that from you," he replied, setting Mjölnir beside the railing. "Where are you really, sorcerer?"

"Hm," Loki said, and then the clone dissipated.

"If we're bandying accusations of hypocrisy," Loki continued behind him. Thor turned. "Then I feel the need to point out **you** are the one who first began spying on _me_ , Prince."

"I had reason to then," Thor replied sourly.

He noticed the apple core wedged into Loki's belt. "Did you even break into my rooms?"

"I cannot 'break' into an area that is open to entrance," Loki returned, waving a hand in the wide entryway between the terrace and Thor's bedchamber. "You are incautious."

Thor squeezed the bridge of his nose hard. He had many responses to the sorcerer's arrogance, ranging from _You are a thief_ to _Only a dog steals table scraps_. But he made himself hold them back.

"What are you doing here?" Thor asked, eyes still shut.

"Slaking my curiosity," Loki answered. "You have been behaving strangely for days. Since our hunting trip, in fact," he continued. "Why, Odinson?"

Thor drug his hair back from his face as the first raindrops began to patter down around them, gripping it tight in a fist to hold himself still as he glowered at the terrace floor. "No reason. I told you, I've slept poorly."

Even he could tell how terrible the lie was. But Loki did not call him on it. Instead, he tilted his head and murmured, "You _do_ hate that name."

Thor clenched his jaw.

"You should leave," he said, harsher than he intended. "I do not want company."

"You do not want **my** company," Loki corrected. "Again: why, Odinson?"

"Enough," Thor rasped. "Leave, Loki."

"I think not," he replied, with an almost imperceptible smile. "Not until you give me cause to."

 _What do you **want**?_ Thor nearly demanded; but he managed to hold that back as well.

He recognized what Loki was doing. He'd lived through it all his youth. He lived through it still.

"You should leave," Thor repeated, forcing his voice to be more even, to resemble authoritative. "You shouldn't be here at this hour."

"The hour is no different from all the times you've joined me at the training grounds," Loki replied. "What has changed that now it's unacceptably late?"

Thor tightened his jaw. He was being prodded onto a narrowing path, dragged forward until he said what Loki wished to hear; and yet he was too unprepared and agitated to find any counter-arguments save the truth. "You are my brother's spouse--"

"Husband," Loki corrected.

Thor made a sharp gesture. "It is inappropriate for you to be in my rooms at this hour. You will leave."

"I am not property," Loki replied, his tone growing terser. "What does my connection to your brother matter, if we are supposedly friends?" He shielded his face with a hand as the rain grew stronger. "Do you never entertain friends in your quarters at this hour?"

Beneath his haughty words, there was the barest edge of tension. Thor frowned again at the incongruity; and then at last he saw the situation from Loki's side.

The Jotnar sorcerer had slipped out of his arranged husband's quarters and secretly made his way to another's, dressed informally without armor. He had entered Thor's room while he still slept, and had taken one of Idunn's apples meant for the gods alone. He had opened himself to accusations of theft, adultery, abuse of hospitality, and potentially even plotting assassination of Asgard's crown prince.

And now in his vulnerability, Thor was rejecting him.

Part of Thor, sharpened by long centuries of being used by his father, had to wonder if Loki had planned even this. If he'd counted on Thor recognizing the predicament he was in, and gambled on Thor being sincere when he said he thought Loki a friend. If he'd calculated the probability that Thor would then shelter him rather than denounce him, and had chosen to risk it.

Thor considered all the other examples he'd observed of the sorcerer's cleverness and manipulation, and decided it was likely.

"They come through my doors," he replied. "Not by scaling the palace walls."

Loki lifted the corner of his mouth. "Really? Not even on a dare?"

There had been that one time. Hogun rarely rejected even the absurdest challenges if he thought the stakes worthy. It had been centuries ago--how had the jotun learned of it? Just how much did Loki now know about Asgard?

Thor rubbed a hand roughly over his beard. "That was an exception," he muttered. "And I wasn't asleep then. If you wished to visit, you should have come openly."

"So if I'd done as much, you would have no objections to my arrival at this hour?" Loki replied.

The path had narrowed too far: all possible alternatives were behind him now. Even a lie would only veer him from it briefly before he was circled back around to the destination Loki intended.

Thor dragged his wet hair from his face once more and gave in. "I would still have sent you away."

Loki lifted an eyebrow in mock surprise. "Why?"

"You know damn well why," Thor said, turning aside. "Come in from the rain."

"Finally," Loki murmured, following behind him into the room. "I thought I was going to have to become blatant."

"How terrible," Thor muttered. "Your tongue might have fallen off at the indignity."

Loki snickered as he wrung out his hair. There was still an undercurrent of apprehension in the sound; he was staying close to the balcony entrance.

Thor gave him a long look, and then went to light the braziers.

Loki peeled off his tunic and squeezed it out before finally moving further into the room. He dragged a chair closer to the braziers, draping the shirt over its back, and turned down the cloth Thor offered.

"I'll dry soon enough," Loki answered, removing his boots and shaking the water from them. "It feels pleasant."

It felt chilling; but that was likely what Loki meant. Thor dried his upper body but left his breeches as they were, gazing sidelong at Loki as he did. He grew even more grateful for the fabric's clamminess against his cock when the sorcerer worked off his gloves a few breaths later and laid them beside his tunic.

Loki stood in his bedchamber wearing only a pair of damp trousers, the leather molding closer to his legs where the rain had soaked through. He studied the room closely, turning in a slow circle to examine everything.

When he reached Thor, Loki flickered a smile over his mouth before wringing his hair out a second time. He nodded his chin at the wolf pelt laid over a farther chair. "I expected more trophies."

Thor raised a shoulder. "I had more, once," he replied. "They fall apart with time."

"Ah," Loki murmured. "The frost ruins ours."

Thor thought of the pelt that had come with Loki's dowry, now hanging in Odin's quarters. The creature's skin had been leathery and thick, the tusks solid. "They turn brittle?"

"Eventually," Loki nodded. "The ones in enclosed rooms last longest."

"I see," Thor said.

Loki shifted on his feet for a heartbeat and then moved away, leaving the braziers and Thor and drifting closer to the chairs. Thor watched him go, raindrops splattering from his pants and skin occasionally as he crossed the flagstones, and noted the continuing tension in his frame. It wasn't the kind Thor would have expected, the thrum of suspense and anticipation. It looked more like uncertainty. Loki's body was coiled tight with nerves.

Thor wondered again why he had truly come here.

He tried to push down the memory of the sound Loki had made in the tent, that undeniable stifled noise of pain, even as Balder's weary words drifted up from his memory: _"Being taken as a woman repulses him."_

"Why are you here?" Thor asked.

"Really," Loki drawled, still facing away from him. "Still?"

Thor exhaled. "Then, why do you find my brother hateful? You never answered that."

Loki trailed a hand over the wolf pelt. "Why do you call him 'brother'?" he said in response. "You two aren't."

Thor tensed. "Did he say that?"

Loki glanced at him over his shoulder for a breath, just long enough for Thor to realize he'd fallen for another trap.

"No," he answered, looking back at the pelt. "He respects you. You are somewhere close to family to him."

That still hurt, but it was not a surprise. Thor knew in Balder's heart his family remained only those who'd raised him. They were friends, not brothers.

"We share blood and so are brothers, whether we were raised together or not," Thor replied, letting the drying-cloth drop to his side. "I will not betray his trust without good cause. Answer me, or leave."

Loki hissed a breath out through his teeth. His fingers curled tightly around the back of the chair.

"Because I am weary of this," he growled. "If bearing a child is so damned important that I will have no peace until then, then I would rather be _done_ with it. Not have it drag on and on because I must be made complicit in it."

Thor frowned. "That is not why he refrains--"

"I _**know**_ ," Loki spat. "It is because he is so **good**. Anything else would make _sense_ , would be bearable. But he--!"

Loki shoved the chair away and began storming along the floor with a harsh curse.

Thor watched him, and slowly understood.

Balder's presence made those around him aspire to be better than they were. It wasn't deliberate on his part; it was an uncontrollable aspect of his nature. Others could leave him and so be free of the influence--but his husband could not depart him for long.

For someone who had already lost as much as Loki, the constant urge to give up what little he still retained of himself must be sickening.

There were many sour things in his and Balder's marriage that time and patience might have been able to heal. But this was not one. Not if Odin was also manipulating him.

If Loki had no respite in either his new king's court or his husband's chambers, it would break him in time. He could not be expected to endure such relentless corrosion without a haven somewhere.

Thor draped the cloth over a rung of the brazier. "So you come to me."

Loki flashed him an ugly grin. "What else is a berserker good for, Odinson? If you need something done without the tedium of _morals_ , don't you turn to a monster?"

The manipulation was falling apart. It was growing transparent and ragged at the edges; the strain in Loki was taking its toll.

Thor could have said as much, but didn't. It was a relief to see it happen just **once** , after he'd wished for the same thing during countless arguments with his father.

And there was something in the goad that reminded Thor of words Loki had said before: _"If there's more destruction to be done, set me to it."_

Loki had clearly been referencing something already spoken between himself and Balder. Thor hadn't needed to know the context to recognize it was meant as an insult. He could have asked Balder to explain it back then; but he hadn't needed to.

 _"He didn't wish Laufey to keep such a powerful tool"_ was not a phrase his brother would normally speak. Not unless he was quoting another.

Not unless he was using his husband's own words.

Thor was no sorcerer, but he was the finest warrior in Asgard. It was a title he strove hard to maintain, but it was more than an accolade. It meant he was the best weapon in his father's arsenal.

He was the one used most often, the one expected to strike truer than Gungnir. He was the weapon most valuable to Odin, so long as he remained the best.

If removing Loki from Jotunheim had crippled Laufey, then in a universe where the war had gone differently and Asgard lost, it would be Thor in his place. He would have been the one Laufey demanded be stripped from Asgard, the one forced to go to Jotunheim as a hostage and reorient his entire life to a lesser position in a hostile court. He would have had to leave Mjölnir behind; he could never give the Jotnar that kind of power.

He would have been fortunate beyond words to be given over to a spouse as considerate as Balder. He would have been more fortunate still if he'd been able to see past his fury and hatred and panic enough to understand it.

Perhaps if he hadn't been so resolutely opposed to Loki's presence in Asgard at the start, he would have realized the parallels between them sooner. Perhaps they could have become better friends, and things would not have decayed this bitterly.

But to be the best meant to be steadfast against all threats to Asgard, even if they were invited in. There was no way he would have behaved otherwise at the beginning.

So he simply had to do what was still possible now.

"It depends on the task," Thor replied, leaving the braziers and pacing toward him. Loki stilled in place. "Most would not decide to set a berserker on something if they wished it still standing at the end."

Loki's hand twitched at his side as he glanced past Thor to the balcony. Thor noted the potential threat but continued crossing the room. He gave the sorcerer a faint smile.

"It's fortunate you were wrong about the eating enemies' hearts and drinking from skulls, too," Thor added.

Loki narrowed his eyes, as if unsure whether he was joking. So Thor smiled a little wider. "The Jotnar apparently tell very strange tales."

"Inevitable, when the subject is strange itself," Loki replied. He'd remained in place as Thor drew closer; but the cost of it was clear. He was so tense he nearly shook with it.

"Yes, insulting me is a good beginning," Thor answered.

Loki paused for a breath, and then scowled in utter distaste. "Word-thief."

Thor chuckled as he reached him.

Loki still had not moved, beyond drawing shallow breaths. He tensed further when Thor rested hands on his waist; he nearly stumbled over his feet when Thor urged him backward, guiding them toward the wall.

Loki let out a slow breath as his back touched the stone. Thor pushed him harder against the wall until he was pressed along the length of Loki, and then tilted his head to catch the sorcerer's mouth.

Loki made a noise and twisted his face away.

"Spare me the pretenses," he muttered. "Just do what's expected of you, Odinson."

"You are bad at asking favors," Thor remarked, before nipping the cartilage of his ear. Loki jolted.

He curled his fingers into the stones as Thor kissed down his neck to his shoulder, but he didn't argue further beyond a muttered insult. He shivered faintly when Thor began rubbing his palms along his sides to chase away the damp chill clinging to his skin.

He shivered again, harder, when Thor bit lightly at his collarbone. Thor smiled and nipped along the length of it, moving to the other one when Loki shifted against the wall. When Loki swallowed, Thor let one of his hands slide down to the ties of the sorcerer's trousers.

Loki exhaled again as Thor began undoing them. His nails scraped the stone, but he held back from actually leaning into Thor's touch.

Once Thor had the trousers open and had managed to peel them down to Loki's thighs, he pulled back to look him over. Loki rested his head against the wall and drew another slow breath.

Thor knelt as he continued to work the trousers off, partly because the wet leather clung stubbornly and Loki was making no effort to help him, but mostly for a better view. So far as he could tell, Loki seemed completely male, if less endowed than Thor would have expected for his size.

At better sight, however, Thor spotted the faint flare to his hips, and the way his skin met in a loose fold around the top of his cock. The folds continued downward past his balls; Loki jerked sharply when Thor traced one with a finger.

"Beneath," he said a moment later, in a voice that was mostly steady. Loki dragged one hand away from the wall and cupped his sac, lifting it slightly. "If you need a map."

"Ah," Thor replied.

He curled his fingers around Loki's own, raising his balls higher and wishing the light wasn't so far away. Loki shuddered at the touch and then pressed against the wall to still himself.

In the dimness Thor could see how the folds continued past his sac to form a narrow slit. Loki swallowed harder when Thor touched him there, but he remained still and allowed Thor to spread them gently. His fingers were trembling beneath Thor's own around his balls.

Loki's cunt had almost no inner lips to speak of, at least not that Thor could tell with the light so poor and Loki's legs barely opened. Thor had to press around to determine where his entrance was. Loki flinched even through he tried to be gentle.

When he found it, Thor drew his hand back. Loki started to hiss another insult at him, but he broke off when Thor sucked a finger into his mouth. Loki let out another harsh breath instead and looked away, glaring out at the room.

Thor coated his finger thickly with saliva before reaching for Loki's folds again. Too many of his dreams were haunted by that pained sound the sorcerer had made when breeched; he didn't wish to hear it while awake.

Loki swallowed thickly with a hitched noise as Thor coaxed a finger into him, and almost immediately Thor understood the reason he and Balder had such a struggle in the marital bed.

Loki's cunt was shockingly tight around him, his thighs beginning to quake with just the intrusion of one finger. If he'd lived his life as male, if he'd never had an interest in sex this way until forced into it by the marriage....

Thor pressed a light kiss to Loki's thigh as he worked his finger out carefully, and then he returned to the sorcerer's pants. "Lift your foot."

Loki grunted but did so.

When Thor had pulled his trousers free, he kept them in one hand as he rolled out of his crouch. Loki grunted again, this time in exasperation, as Thor pressed another kiss to his collarbone.

When he reached out and started tugging at Thor's breeches, Thor hummed at the touch and bit a little harder. Loki shivered once and then muttered something derogatory against his hair.

Loki shoved the breeches most of the way down Thor's hips and reached for his cock. He made an aggravated noise as he realized it was still only half-hard from the cold; but Thor heard the hitch to his breath when Loki first closed his hand around it.

He caught Loki's wrist and gently prised it away.

Thor kissed his shoulder one last time and then straightened. He stepped back, tugging at Loki's wrist as he did to urge him from the wall. "Come along."

"Spare me the pretenses," Loki repeated stubbornly. He glared over Thor's shoulder. "Here will do."

"I have a serviceable, and _warm_ , bed," Thor replied. He tugged once more. "Come along, Loki."

The sorcerer hissed through his teeth, but finally pulled away from the wall and followed.

Thor draped Loki's trousers over the chair by the fire before working off his own breeches and doing the same with them. Then he picked up one of the braziers by its stand, and rested a hand on the small of Loki's back. "The bed."

Loki glanced at the brazier. "Unnecessary."

"I disagree," Thor replied. He pressed a little harder until Loki scowled and moved away from him to the bed.

Loki shoved the light blanket toward the foot of it as Thor set the brazier beside them. He tensed again when Thor touched his side.

Thor accepted that the reaction was going to be common for a time, and crowded against him until Loki climbed onto the bed.

When Thor followed, Loki shied away at first, shifting back and pushing himself further up toward the headboard. Then he closed his eyes and took another long breath.

Thor stayed kneeling where he was until Loki finally opened them again and looked to him.

Loki's expression was detached as he reviewed Thor. But his fingers curled slightly into the sheet when he shifted his gaze down to appraise his cock.

"Aesir," he said dismissively after a few breaths. "Do you all need to make up for having only one set?"

"I had not thought of it that way," Thor replied, smiling faintly.

Loki tched and glanced away again. Then he huffed out a breath, and forced himself to lay on his back.

When Thor crawled toward him, he saw Loki's fingers tighten around the sheet as the mattress dipped under his weight.

It finally occurred to him that Loki might have preferred the wall for another reason beyond stubbornness and detachment. He might have wished to at least have the control of staying on his feet.

But they were already here; and frankly the bed **was** warmer.

When he cupped a hand under Loki's knee and opened his legs wider to settle between them, the sorcerer closed his eyes once more with a steadying breath. He dug his heels into the bed when Thor spread his folds back open, but he didn't flinch like before.

The light was better now. But even with it, and with another careful, more thorough exploration, Thor could not find anything that seemed to be Loki's clitoris.

Finally, he eyed Loki's cock instead in consideration.

It had been more than a century since he'd last had interest in a male bedpartner, but Thor supposed there was nothing to it he'd have forgotten. He lifted his hand from Loki's folds and cupped his balls more firmly, rolling them against his palm.

Loki jerked into the touch with a gasp, and then clenched his fists tight in the sheet. "What are-- _enough_. Get on with it!"

"You are still mistaking me for something I'm not," Thor replied, keeping the pressure steady on Loki's sac as he wrapped his other hand around the sorcerer's cock. Loki pushed into his hands involuntarily once more. "You are not my enemy but my friend, Loki. I do not wish you miserable."

Loki pressed his palms to his face with a long groan and swore at him viciously. But when Thor tugged back his foreskin and began to stroke his cock, Loki rocked his hips into the touch.

They stayed like that for a time. Loki kept his hands covering his face, cursing Thor as useless and deceitful and impotent and a dozen other insults that he ignored, and he would only push fractionally into Thor's touch even as his cock hardened. Thor kept his rhythm steady, occasionally varying the pressure or the way he rubbed his thumb along the head. He watched the sorcerer closely to see what pleased him.

Slowly Loki's insults grew fewer, replaced more and more frequently with soft breaths. He pressed harder into Thor's hands, digging his heels into the bedding to move with him; and once when Thor rubbed his thumb a particular way, Loki shuddered heavily and panted, "Do that."

Thor smiled and kissed the side of his knee, and repeated the motion ruthlessly until Loki was shaking beneath him, his arms folded over his face and his jaw clenched as he drove into Thor's hands.

Thor swallowed hard as he watched Loki rock into his touch, his chest heaving as he grew more and more demanding with each drive upward, all his cleverness and composure and control peeling away under the force of his need. The sounds Loki made in the back of his throat as he pushed closer to his climax were audible now despite his efforts to stifle them; Thor shivered at their increasingly sharp edge and forced himself to keep his hands steady.

Loki gasped once harshly, startlingly loud after all his efforts at reticence. And then at last he was spilling in Thor's hand.

Thor groaned low and continued to stroke him as Loki shuddered through it. He eased the pressure when Loki whimpered once and then bit his lip sharply.

When Loki began twisting away from his touch, Thor released his cock so it rested against the crease of his thigh. Loki exhaled shakily and kept his arms braced over his face.

Thor wiped the semen that had dripped onto his hand off on the bed and reached between Loki's folds again.

He grunted in visceral relief when Loki's cunt opened more easily for him this time. Thor was able to slide one finger into its slickness with no more than a low noise from Loki; but when he pushed in a second, Loki twisted beneath him before going forcefully still. When Thor looked up, he was biting down on his wrist.

Thor exhaled roughly through his teeth, but carefully drew the second finger back.

He kept the first inside. As he wrapped a hand around his own long-hardened cock and began to bring himself off, Thor moved it slowly within Loki, letting him adjust to the intrusion and the feel of something sliding into and back out of his cunt. Loki shifted faintly on the bed again.

"Mmph." The sorcerer dragged his arms away from his face and pushed his hair from his eyes, and then propped himself up on his elbows. "Why--what are you doing?"

"My restraint is not endless," Thor answered tightly, not breaking his pace on his cock. "Give me some time and then I will return to you."

"You fool," Loki said with weary disbelief. "Would you just get on with it?"

Thor, exasperated, curled his finger roughly.

He regretted it a fraction when Loki jerked violently with a high noise. Thor pulled out, and stroked Loki's thighs as the sorcerer glared furiously at him. When Loki kicked him in the stomach, Thor grunted and then caught him by the ankle.

He pressed Loki's foot back to the bedding. "Give me some time, Loki," he repeated. "Then I will return to you."

"That is not what I _want_ ," Loki spat. "How many times must I say it? Just let me be **done** with this already!"

"You came here because you wanted a more selfish lover," Thor retorted, wrapping a hand around his cock again. "I am selfish enough to not care what you want. What **I** want is for you to find pleasure in my bed."

Loki's laugh was harsh and bitter.

"Neither of you know what you demand," he sneered, covering his face again.

"Then enlighten me." Thor fisted his free hand in the sheet, afraid he'd grow too rough again in his aggravation.

"What do you think I am _here_ for?" Loki hissed, beginning to shake. "If Asgard merely wanted a hostage, that could have been done without this pretense at marriage. My purpose is to lay here and breed Aesir brats, to be invaded over and **over** so Jotunheim forever remembers the price of _losing!_ "

Thor was still as Loki's voice cracked.

He released his cock and climbed forward until he could reach Loki's arm to pull it away. The sorcerer twisted aside and pressed his face into the pillow.

"That would be unbearable enough," Loki continued, voice hoarse. "But then you demand I take _pleasure_ in my humiliation. You won't even let me keep my hate, you insist on dragging this out until I submit **again**." He clenched his jaw. "Where does Asgard's cruelty end, Odinson? Even **I** find these tactics loathsome."

"That was not my intent," Thor said softly, his grip loose around Loki's wrist. "It would not have been Balder's either."

"I know," Loki rasped. "You two are the cruelest torturers he could have put to this. You don't even understand what you're doing. You think you're showing me _kindness_."

Loki wrenched harshly on his arm. Thor released him.

The jotun curled in on himself with his back to him, shuddering as he pressed his face harder into the pillow. Thor watched helplessly, a hand hovering over his back; but finally he pulled away and slumped against the headboard.

Thor pulled his legs up and draped his arms over them as he listened to Loki stifle his sobs. He closed his eyes and focused on pushing away the storm outside.

Loki soon fought to rein himself in. When enough time had passed that his breathing had evened out to a steady, angry hiss, Thor said quietly, "I cannot give you what you want."

Loki tensed further.

Thor clenched his hands together. "Whether you despise me or not, I don't hate you, Loki," he said. "I cannot treat you so brutally, even if kindness cuts you worse."

Loki remained motionless in the edge of his vision. Thor stared down at the bed.

"The storm will pass soon," he said. "Your clothes should be dry enough then. I can walk you back far enough that anyone will think we came from the training grounds."

Loki continued to be silent as Thor waited for a response. Finally, he forced a chuckle.

"This realm is mad," he muttered, almost inaudibly. "The only one in it who makes sense is the one out to destroy me."

Loki released his breath in a low exhale, and then stretched gingerly and tilted toward him.

"I've already gone to all this trouble," he stated. "If you're to avoid me all the more after tonight, I'd rather make use of you while I'm here."

"Loki--"

"Your words have been heard, Thor," he interrupted wearily. "If I must enjoy this, then so be it. It cannot humiliate me more than I've already been."

"You are _very_ bad at asking favors," Thor couldn't help saying. Loki snorted.

The sorcerer sat up soon after. He rubbed at his face for a few breaths before turning to Thor.

Thor exhaled through his teeth when Loki cupped a hand over his thigh and pushed down hard. But after a moment's hesitation, he stretched out his legs and let Loki straddle his lap. He pressed his palms hard to the bed when Loki wrapped his fingers around his softened cock and began to stroke him slowly.

"So," Loki said after several silent moments; and Thor cursed to himself because he knew that tone.

Loki continued just as he expected. "For how long have you wanted me, Prince?" he murmured, watching Thor's face with a smug expression that didn't fully mask how he was trying to eradicate his earlier vulnerability. "Since our last hunting trip? Or before it?"

Loki twisted his wrist with his next stroke, ripping a shudder from Thor at the way it slid his fingers along the underside his cock. "Earlier still, perhaps?" Loki went on. His voice was low, and increasingly confident. "Was that a less noble reason you kept spying on me at first? The border fights left you with an interest in fucking a Jotnar instead of just killing them?"

"No," Thor said roughly.

Loki snickered. "What a steadfast prejudice."

He twisted his wrist again that same away, making Thor shudder and drive into his grip.

Loki began doing it with each stroke after that. Thor grit his teeth and dug his fingers into the mattress as he hardened fully in Loki's hands, leery that despite the sorcerer's seeming generosity he would pull away once Thor was closer to his climax.

"When, then, Prince?" Loki prodded. "Since the trip, when you were pretending you weren't listening to your brother take me?"

Thor hissed out a breath. "Before that," he muttered.

"Hm," Loki reflected. "No wonder you were so enthusiastic in inventing ways to bed me. How many of your fantasies did you pass along to Balder to enact?"

Thor pressed a hand over his face.

"What confession do you want from me, Loki?" he demanded. "What will make you feel we're even in humiliation and leave this off? If you incessantly remind me of my brother, you are going to have a hard time making 'use' of me," he warned.

Loki squeezed his cock, and then made a considering noise when Thor pushed into it with a harsh pant. "You seem to be fairing well enough."

"Answer, Loki."

The sorcerer was silent for long enough that Thor forced himself to pull his hand away and look at him again. Loki was studying him with a narrow, calculating expression.

A chill shivered along Thor's spine. Loki looked to be weighing him like a fallen but still breathing enemy--like he was gauging where to slide in the knife to bring the kill the swiftest and most painfully.

Thor was not surprised by what he asked for when he finally spoke.

"Tell me of your dreams, Thor," Loki murmured. He squeezed again, making Thor drive into his hand with a desperate grunt. "What sends you stumbling around the palace in the dead of night, fleeing all company?"

Thor clenched his jaw tight, and then closed his eyes.

He knew better than to reveal weakness to someone like this. It would be forever used against him afterward, overtly and covertly, in blackmail and manipulation. He knew better. He had learned from his youth.

And yet.

Loki's misery had been so raw and enraged that Thor felt a partner in his shame just from hearing it. The pillow beside them was still damp from the dam that had shattered within him.

Thor's humiliation stemmed from his own desires. Loki's came from the pressure of a fate forced on him.

He could survive this. He had before.

"They are about you," he forced himself to say. "About bedding you."

"Yes, that much was obvious," Loki replied with an audible smirk. "Clarify further."

Thor hissed a breath out through his teeth and rubbed a hand roughly over his eyes. Loki still stroked him with that skillful twist to his wrist, but it was no longer enough. It was too loose now after the pressure of before, too mocking.

Loki slowed his pace when Thor remained silent as he groped for the best words to minimize his shame. Thor squashed down the urge to grip his hand over Loki's own and force him to a better pace, and dug his hand deeper into the mattress.

"Do you treat me as fragilely in them as you are now?" Loki prompted after a few more breaths. "Are you so doggedly noble even there?"

Thor took a long breath.

"In my fantasies, yes," he said, before dragging his hair back from his face. "...In the dreams I am sometimes not."

"Ah," Loki said softly.

Thor made himself open his eyes, but he still could not meet Loki's gaze. He stared at his collarbone instead.

Loki rewarded the confession by resuming his earlier pace. Thor pressed his head back against the headboard and drove into it desperately, chasing his pleasure while he still could. He was certain this wouldn't be the end of it.

It wasn't. Not long after, Loki pushed again: "Do I enjoy it?"

Thor swallowed once more. "I want you to." When his voice was steady, he continued, "But I did not know how you sounded like that. After tonight, I'm sure you will."

"That seems ominous," Loki remarked. "Shouldn't you have known regardless? Don't I praise how skilled you are?"

Thor snorted before he could help it. "You insult me," he replied. "Incessantly."

Loki was silent for a breath. And then he stifled a laugh.

When Thor glanced at his face, Loki was chuckling quietly. He looked up at Thor a moment later with genuine amusement.

"You have a very accurate fantasy of me, Prince," Loki grinned. "Why would you inflict that on yourself?"

Thor made the mistake of remaining silent.

". . . _Ahh_ ," Loki said a few heartbeats later; and Thor shuddered at his knowing tone.

Loki shifted over him, leaning in closer and bracing a hand on his bare shoulder. Thor shivered again and glanced at it.

Loki began to squeeze his cock once more with his next stroke. Thor groaned thickly and grabbed at him without thinking, gripping Loki's thighs tight to anchor himself as he drove up into the touch that was finally _enough_. Loki inhaled sharply, but didn't jerk away.

"When did you start treating me roughly, Odinson?" he demanded with a smirk. Thor clenched his jaw. "From the very beginning? Or only after you realized we had a common enemy?"

"My father is not my enemy," Thor gritted out.

The satisfaction dripped from Loki's words. "I did not say it was your father."

Thor growled harshly. "I know what you **meant**."

"I'm certain you did," Loki murmured, still grinning sharply. "You must be long used to my kind. Why would you have ever come to tolerate me?"

He released Thor's shoulder and caught a handful of his hair instead, forcing Thor to look at him. Thor cursed.

Loki ignored it. "Is that why you sought my company, Odinson? To savor the fact that unlike your father, I you could _punish?_ "

Thor swallowed hard and forced himself to loosen his grip on Loki's thighs. Perhaps somewhere in the dark recesses of his heart, that **had** been a reason; but it was so hateful that Thor would not permit it of himself. "No."

Loki released his cock abruptly, making Thor jerk and curse viciously. "Liar."

" _No_ ," Thor growled, surging forward and wrapping an arm around his back.

Loki gasped as he was wrenched against Thor. He struggled to break free when Thor wedged a hand between their bodies to grip his cock again.

Finally, Thor grew tired of the distraction and pinned Loki against him without holding back. Loki shuddered out a breath and stopped fighting, going still under the pressure. He fisted a hand in Thor's hair again.

With Loki crushed against him, there wasn't enough room for Thor to work his cock as he needed. He dug his fingers into Loki's side and wrenched him higher above his lap, until finally he had the space. It made Loki quake harder and claw his hand into Thor's shoulder. His heart was beating frantically; Thor could feel it against his chest, a pulsing counterpoint to his own.

"That's right, berserker," Loki hissed. His sneer almost hid the thread of panic under his words. "Enough pretenses. Serve your purpose and fuck me."

"No," Thor replied. He bit down hard on Loki's throat before the jotun could say anything else.

Loki choked and began fighting again, more desperately than before. It did not aid him. Thor was so close already that the feel of Loki's writhing only served as a spur; it was just a few more strokes until at last his release broke through him.

Thor curled in around Loki as it washed over him, making Loki choke and wrench his hair as he was compacted tighter. He went immobile once more, nails cutting Thor's shoulder, heartbeat thudding with the tension thrumming through him.

When Thor finally exhaled slowly, Loki tried to draw back once again. Thor loosened his grip, but didn't allow him to pull away.

Loki grunted in agitation as his hand flexed on Thor's shoulder. "Useless," he spat shakily. "Release me."

"No," Thor replied, pulling Loki's hand from his hair and shaking his head briefly to clear it.

Loki spat out a curse. "If you say that one more time I'll cut your throat. _Release_ me!"

"I will not," Thor answered. He didn't resist a faint smile when Loki snarled at him.

Loki tried to wrest loose again when Thor began to shift the two of them. But he had fought too hard for too long earlier, and he was paying for it now. His breath rasped in Thor's ears as he panted for air, and he shook with the strain.

Loki inhaled sharply when Thor laid him on his back once more across the bed.

"Enough," he hissed. "You've wasted my time tonight. Release me."

"I had patience and so can you," Thor replied. He used his weight to keep Loki relatively still beneath him so he could reach down to Loki's cunt once more.

He was relieved to feel that Loki was still slick when Thor touched him, despite his edginess and anger. Loki jerked and squirmed when Thor spread his folds again, swearing at him with impressive crassness. Thor finally had to pin one of Loki's legs to the mattress with his own to open them enough to find Loki's entrance once more.

He was able to slide one finger in with the same ease. But when he pushed in a second Loki twisted and tried to clamp his thighs shut, his knee banging sharply into Thor's side. Thor grunted, but didn't pull out this time. Instead, he held his hand still to let Loki adjust to the intrusion.

"Desist," Loki hissed. "This is no use to me."

"Don't take a selfish lover if you wish to be listened to," Thor answered. He pressed a light kiss to the corner of Loki's jaw, only to have the sorcerer twist his face away. "It will take me some time to be of use to you again. Have patience."

"De _sist!_ " Loki ordered.

Thor frowned when his voice cracked at the end.

He leaned back enough to look at the sorcerer. Loki's jaw was clenched tight, and his whole body trembled with what Thor now saw was tension. His heels dug sharply into the bed.

When Thor followed his gaze, he realized Loki was glaring at Mjölnir, still laying by the terrace railing. Loki glanced back at him for a breath before tensing further.

Thor frowned.

He'd thought the constant insults and refusals were Loki's way of salvaging his pride. That they were the last way Loki could let himself believe he did not enjoy this, since Thor refused to brutalize him. Thor had been willing to let him keep that armor.

But the edge of fear that kept lacing his voice seemed too real.

Thor wondered if Loki had genuinely forgotten something so obvious amid all his anger and humiliation and earlier pleasure. Or did he just need to hear Thor acknowledge it?

"You can stop me for certain if you truly hate anything I do, Jotnar," Thor reminded him carefully. "You don't wear the charm."

Loki jolted and twisted his head back to stare at him.

Thor held his gaze and lifted the corner of his mouth in a faint smile. "I'd prefer you froze my arms or legs if it comes to that, though," he added. "If you leave me with a frostbitten cock, that will be difficult to explain at the healers'."

Loki snorted and then bit his lip to stifle a snigger.

It made his body relax fractionally beneath Thor's. Thor made an encouraging noise and pressed a light kiss to Loki's stomach. When the sorcerer didn't immediately tense again, he took it as a promising sign.

"It will take me time to harden again, Loki," he murmured. "Let me help your body accommodate me until then. You will lose nothing from it but some future pain."

Loki hissed out a long breath.

"It is never enough until I surrender first," he muttered. Loki draped an arm over his face once more. "Very well, Odinson. Do as you please."

Thor shivered a little as he ran a palm along Loki's thigh. The sorcerer's voice still rasped; it wasn't difficult to pretend it came from earlier pleasure, rather than strain. Loki's hand curled into a loose fist, but he kept his arm over his eyes and remained compliant beneath Thor.

Thor kept his fingers still within Loki's cunt at first, and continued to lay kisses on his stomach and chest. He thought back to the two times he'd seen Loki in his jotun form, and tried to remember where the ridges of his skin lay. He began nipping at the areas.

Loki drew a slow breath a few heartbeats later, and shifted under him slightly before going still again. Thor paused; but when Loki said nothing, he resumed.

Only when Loki began to rock his hips did Thor shift his hand. The motion was slight, but it gave him encouragement that Loki had become more comfortable.

He moved slowly at first, enjoying the slick, clutching feel of Loki's cunt around his fingers, watching what he could see of the sorcerer's face to be sure he remained pleased. When Loki began to move more, fitfully meeting his slow thrusts, Thor exhaled in pleasure and rubbed a hand along the inside of his thigh. Loki pursed his mouth and tilted his face away.

It was strange to Thor to be so silent with a bedpartner, but he couldn't determine what to say. The praise and encouragement and endearments he would have offered a woman who needed the same patience he rejected wholesale, sure that they would only rile or shame Loki again. And the mock taunts and egging on he and his male partners had once engaged in had mainly been driven by mutual excessive pride and a few horns of drink, and would likely also end poorly. Thor did not actually want to end the night with frostbite.

He was unsure what to say; so he might as well bypass the need to do so.

Thor shifted Loki's legs up and open wider around him until he was settled comfortably. Loki made a low noise when Thor withdrew his fingers. He shivered and inhaled slowly when Thor used his thumbs to spread his folds open wide and nuzzled his balls out of the way.

He jerked so violently at Thor's first lick that his pelvis smacked into Thor's nose, making Loki shout when his sac hit the side of Thor's face uncomfortably.

Thor pulled back and Loki wrenched away, shoving back until he hit the footboard. He glared shakily at Thor, a hand cupped around his balls. "What are you _doing?!_ "

Thor, still rubbing his nose gingerly, gave him a baffled look and wondered what else there was to learn of Jotnar anatomy. Balder hadn't mentioned any of this. "Did it hurt?"

"It--no, you idiot," Loki scowled. "Don't. That's disgusting."

Thor blinked. "No it isn't."

When Loki only continued to glare, Thor's confusion turned to disbelief. "And you assumed **me** selfish. You've never done as much for your partners?"

"Those were _women_ ," Loki spat.

". . . Ah," Thor said. Loki's scowl deepened.

Thor remained in his kneeling position and rested his hands on his thighs. "Let me help you relax for me, Loki," he said gently. "There is nothing shameful about needing preparation before coupling. If you truly hate it I will find other ways. But give me leave to try first."

Loki shifted among the rucked up blanket and sheets. "You are transparent as glass."

"I do not want to be a manipulator," Thor replied quietly. "That's why you know I'm speaking the truth."

Loki made a scoffing noise, but didn't actually contradict him. He stayed where he was.

"I am not seeking to humiliate you, Loki," Thor said after several more heartbeats of silence. "I enjoy this."

"Filthy beast," Loki muttered. But he'd finally pulled his hand away from protecting his genitals; it was fisted now in the sheet between his legs.

Thor lifted a shoulder. "They decided I was a fertility god on Midgard," he replied. "I grew into the traits."

Loki snorted again. "So even the gods are malleable to mortals?"

"Yes," Thor answered. Everyone knew that.

Loki gave him a quick, darting glance through his lashes--a look far more calculating than any Thor had seen from him before.

It occurred to him that their vulnerability to human memory and stories was something every _Aesir_ knew. It might somehow have been a secret from the Jotnar.

Thor thought again of the ongoing battle between Loki and Odin, and lowered his brows.

Before he could speak, Loki huffed and finally scooted a little from the footboard. "Very well," he said. "You've my leave to _try_."

Thor continued to study him for a few breaths. But Loki was still shifting with edgy tension and looking past him to the bed; and finally Thor put the concern away to be addressed later. He held out a hand. "Come here."

Loki huffed but moved closer. He made another face when Thor guided him to lay out properly on the bed, but allowed it. He adjusted a pillow under his head as Thor cupped his hands beneath his knees and lifted his legs up and wider.

He parted Loki's folds with both thumbs again, enjoying the way the exposure revealed the near-absence of Loki's inner lips. But this time Thor eased into the act. He nuzzled Loki's balls to the side again, taking more time with it this round, and traced Loki's folds with kisses before following with gentle nips to them and Loki's inner thighs.

Loki grunted, and pressed a hand to the back of Thor's head.

"I did not plan to spend my entire night here, Prince," he grumbled. "Move along."

"Learn patience, Loki," Thor murmured in reply, and enjoyed the way the puff of his breath sent a jolt through him.

Thor teased at first, more than was probably necessary, doing little beyond tracing the edges of Loki's folds with his tongue until Loki finally grunted again and tugged on his hair. When Loki yanked a second time, much harder, Thor huffed deliberately to make Loki jolt once more but at last began to explore his inner slit.

It took time here, too. Thor paid intense attention to Loki's reactions to all he did, repeating those that drew a soft pant or a tremble from him; and he began pressing his tongue deep into Loki's entrance at the start of each lick upward when the first time wrenched a startled moan from the sorcerer.

Loki covered his mouth after that. But by then Thor had a fair idea what best gave him pleasure.

It still took a great deal of time. Loki had grown slicker with his ministrations, and now squirmed constantly on the bed to the point that Thor had to hold his hips down to keep reasonably steady. And Loki's cock was hardened again, brushing against the side of Thor's face each time he rocked up into his tongue. But pleasure seemed far more elusive to him this way than it had when Thor stroked his cock. Even the slightest variation made Loki whine in frustration and writhe against his grip as his climax moved tauntingly back out of reach.

Thor struggled to keep his rhythm as consistent as he could, despite the growing ache in his jaw and his balls. Loki's low keens each time he slipped were growing more desperate and thwarted; his gasps and whimpers had an undercurrent of begging to them now, and while the sounds went straight to Thor's cock his purpose wasn't to compel Loki into surrender.

The next time Thor pressed his tongue into him as his cheek brushed Loki's cock, Loki arched his back and grabbed a fistful of his hair. "There," he gasped. "There. Thor."

Thor growled heavily against his cunt and repeated the motion relentlessly. Loki yanked his hair and panted more and more harshly as he drove down into Thor's thrusts.

And then, at _last_ , Loki gave a choked moan as a heavy spasm wracked through him, arching against Thor's palms once more. Thor pulled back with a thick groan, and swallowed slowly as he watched Loki shudder through his climax.

He noticed that Loki's cock was still mostly hard, dribbling pre-spend but not looking like he'd properly come. Thor reached for it automatically, then stopped and considered.

When Loki's aftershocks faded, Thor braced himself over him again and gripped his own cock before pressing the head of it to his entrance. Loki jolted.

Thor rubbed the head of his cock along his slit, tense with restraint. Loki was wet and panting and limp with orgasm against him, and Thor knew already how tight and warm his cunt was going to be.

"Will you let me try?" he asked.

"Finally," Loki managed. His voice was still hoarse. "Get on with it."

Thor huffed but pressed in.

Loki stiffened against him with a hiss almost immediately, and Thor braced a forearm beside his head with a groan. Loki was still barely looser even after coming, still pressing fiercely around his cock--and Thor didn't even have the widest part in him yet.

He kept pushing forward slowly, working his way in, knowing that dragging it out with delays would be no kindness. When Loki jerked against him with a sharper hiss as he sank deeper, Thor pressed his forehead to his temple.

"Relax for me, Loki," he panted. "Please."

Loki growled something vicious and indecipherable against his ear, but made an effort at trying. He jerked again as Thor resumed pushing in.

Thor worked his way inside with steady pulses, coaxing Loki to relax each time his body grew taut against him once more. He rubbed Loki's side with his free hand, urging the sorcerer to let him in. With each push he wondered vaguely if this would be it, if Loki's body would accept him no further. Loki's cunt was clenching so tight around his cock Thor felt as though each press forward was only gained by splitting Loki open deeper to take him.

But then his hips were flush with Loki's own. Thor moaned in a mix of relief and disappointment: it was as hot and wet and tight and good as he'd dreamed, but he wasn't as deep as he could be, not if he just had the right angle--if he pushed Loki's thighs up, pinned them against his chest, then--

But Loki was trembling under him, drawing harsh shallow breaths with his hands fisted tight in the sheets, the muscles of his cunt already struggling to accommodate Thor's girth. When Thor reached up to wipe aside the tears prickling at the corners of Loki's eyes, Loki sobbed out a snarl and pushed his face into the pillow.

Thor cupped his palm to Loki's forehead and tucked his face against the jotun's neck. "Relax, Loki," he asked shakily. "I'll not move until you wish."

The sorcerer spat out a forced laugh, but then fell quiet again.

For a time Thor kept himself determinedly still, only brushing his thumb along Loki's hairline and pressing gentle kisses along his neck and shoulder. Slowly, Loki's breaths grew less strained.

When he seemed more at ease, Thor slid his hand down and between their bodies until he found Loki's softened cock. Loki jerked sharp against him and then whimpered harshly.

"No," he rasped, grabbing Thor's forearm and wrenching on it. "No. Too much."

Thor let go and let Loki yank his arm away. "Peace," he promised, resting his hand deliberately far to the side. "Not until you wish."

Loki made a rough noise in the back of his throat. But eventually he let his hand fall away from its tense grip on Thor's forearm, and made himself relax again. 

After a while, he began to rock his hips against Thor. They were tiny, experimental motions, ones that made Thor shiver as they slid Loki's cunt along his cock and left Loki hissing occasionally when the stretch was too much. Thor resumed petting Loki's side after a particularly sharp gasp, trailing his hands lightly over Loki's ribs and waist and chest.

He discovered that while it wasn't enough to resemble a bosom, there was a faint swell to Loki's pectorals. Thor swept his thumb along the barely defined curve until Loki grunted. When Thor arranged his hands to rub the heel of his palms over the sorcerer's nipples as he continued, Loki shifted into the touch and for once didn't tell him to cease.

After long enough that Thor's restraint felt flayed raw and he was almost thinking of pulling out and bringing himself off by hand to start over again, Loki let out a slow breath. "Move."

Thor exhaled harshly in relief and pressed a final rough kiss to Loki's throat. Then he braced himself on the bed to lean over him and pull back.

Loki shivered at the drag out, shifting beneath him again and fisting his hands into the bedding when the head of Thor's cock began to tug at his entrance. He bit his lip when Thor slid back in.

Thor kept his pace slow and steady at first, telling himself to be content with the shallow strokes that made Loki pant but didn't cause his brows to draw together in discomfort. The restraint devoured him just as relentlessly as before--but it was easier to bear now, looking down at Loki.

Loki lay opened before him, in so many ways: open around Thor's cock, open in the lack of guile in his expressions and occasional sounds, open in the very fact of his presence in Thor's bed and beneath his greater strength. The most cynical and distrustful creature in all Asgard had chosen to trust him in his vulnerability. Thor wanted to be worthy of it.

Strange, when they had been such instinctive enemies at the first. Thor chuffed a laugh and reached up to brush Loki's sweat-dampened hair from his face.

Loki blinked open unfocused eyes and leaned reflexively into his touch. "Nn?"

It sent a sharp shudder of pleasure down Thor's spine. He only barely managed to keep to his gentle rhythm.

"You are so--" 'lovely' would probably be taken as an insult "--handsome. I would not have believed if someone had first told me I'd become this fond of you," Thor smiled, rubbing a thumb against Loki's temple.

Loki blinked at him several more times, and then laid a hand over his eyes.

"Ulg," he mumbled. "I'm not here for sentiments."

Thor just chuckled and cupped a hand beneath his neck, relishing the feel of Loki's spine against his palm as the sorcerer swallowed heavily and pushed down a little more firmly to meet him.

Thor was finally coming to feel that the slow, easy pace would be enough to bring him to climax in time, at least so long as he could keep enjoying Loki's little moans and heavy pants, when Loki drew another deep breath.

A few heartbeats later, he dragged his legs up and folded them around Thor's waist.

Thor shuddered hard and cursed to himself as he held back from instinctively driving deeper. Loki snickered breathlessly and brought his hands up to touch his back.

"Haven't you had enough softness by now, Odinson?" Loki cooed, pressing close enough to his ear that Thor could feel his grin. He shuddered again. "Do what I came to you for, _berserker_."

"Don't," Thor panted roughly.

Loki's grin widened. "You pointed out I'm selfish too."

Thor swallowed thickly when Loki clenched his cunt tight around him, groaning as the action pulled a shiver and a hoarse gasp from the jotun. He pushed forward harder than he meant to.

Loki dug his fingers into the meat of his shoulders at the deeper slide, but he sucked in another breath and continued. "That's right. Do what you're good for."

When Thor growled at him in warning, Loki laughed hoarsely. "We both know your control is going to break eventually, berserker."

He dug his nails in harder until Thor felt the skin split. The faint scent of blood came to him beneath the thicker odor of sex; too old a combination, still too familiar. Thor clenched his jaw.

Loki pressed his mouth to his ear again. "Break it now," he urged. "Then it won't be because you failed to keep hold on yourself. You'll just be obeying someone wiser than you."

" **Stop**."

"I will," Loki grinned, cutting his shoulders deeper. "When you make me, _Odinson_."

Thor snarled and bit down hard on his throat. Loki choked and twisted against him, his legs slipping on Thor's waist.

Thor caught his thighs and held them in place. Loki shuddered and then gasped wetly when Thor pushed into him all the way.

Thor made himself keep to his lenient pace, but he took full advantage of how deep the new angle let him slide into Loki. The jotun gasped desperately beneath him, gouging open his shoulders and quaking each time Thor filled him to the limit and his balls slapped heavily against Loki's skin.

"More," Loki choked out at the end of one push. "What are you trying to prove, Odinson? That you're something you're not?"

"Quiet, Loki," Thor rasped.

"Something you'll _never_ be?" Loki added gleefully, ripping apart his defenses with that damned shrewdness. "Even the outsider sees through you, berserker. You'll never change enough to leave your past behind."

When Thor still refused to take the bait, Loki clawed his hands up his back. " **More** , Odinson! Do what you're _told!_ "

Thor could feel the blood trickling down his skin, the stench of it and sex thick in his nose and throat, suffocating him until all he could do was feel and _need_. It would be so easy--

Thor swallowed so hard he choked on it.

He pressed his face to Loki's neck. "I am _not **that**_ anymore!"

"You could be, with me," Loki replied softly, a sudden shock of gentleness. "You could have that again."

Thor shuddered and nearly sobbed with strain.

Loki laid his palms on his back, and this time Thor jerked at the chill in his touch. It wasn't frostbite--but it was close.

"I saw you in the mountain passages once," the jotun said lowly, and Thor jolted again.

Loki kept going. "You escaped the avalanche that was supposed to kill you, and butchered the rest of the group I was with."

Thor shoved himself up to stare down at him.

Loki was trembling with tension, but held his gaze. "When I saw that hammer and realized who you were, I fled. Afterward, the whole journey here, I kept wondering," he bit out. "If I had just followed and killed you, would Asgard have lost and I still be free?"

He and Hogun had been tracking a group of raiders, and when they came to a rockslide blocking the path Thor had made the mistake of insisting they go the quicker route through the ravine below rather than climb their way up the cliff face. The cliff had seemed the more treacherous option at the time; it was only when Thor heard the first distant crack of ice loosening beneath the rocks that he realized the trap.

If he hadn't been able to use Mjölnir to fly free, he and Hogun would have died there. At best, they would've been so injured that the Jotnar who ambushed them immediately afterward could have taken them prisoner.

Loki's chest was heaving with his shallow panted breaths now, but he still glared his challenge as he clawed his hands into Thor's biceps. "If I'm to die in this prison, then show me the side that won _deserved_ to!"

"Very well," Thor forced out at last; and Loki quaked.

He swallowed down a panicked noise when Thor gripped his thighs again and tugged them higher. When Thor glanced at his face, Loki clenched his jaw and bared his teeth at him.

"...Give in now," Thor offered. "And it will be easier on you."

"I reject your _mercy_ ," Loki spat, drawing more blood.

"You need it all the same," Thor warned, and thrust in.

Loki choked back his cry at the pressure and clenched his arms tighter.

It would be so easy to give in. To let his anger at knowing that the jotun who'd nearly ended his and Hogun's lives that day still breathed wash through him. To let it feed the ravening hunger Loki's moans and warm skin and wet cunt had already stoked. To let it all finally shatter the burden his efforts to be better laid on him, and break him free to be what he always truly was in his depths: lustful for the joy of battle and flesh and any combination of the two. It would be so easy.

But it had been instinct that led him into that ravine; it had been thought that got him out. He was better now than he had once been. It was worth the costs.

He did not give in.

Loki screamed thinly when he soon realized that despite the stronger, heavier pace Thor now took him with he was still holding back. The jotun tore at him as he shook in rage, the insults between his gasps so slurred with fury that Thor couldn't make them out.

Thor pinned him under his weight and took him steadily, clenching his teeth as Loki ripped at his hair and gouged his back open worse. It ached; the pain was sharp and continual and only heightened the pleasure that came each time he sunk into Loki's cunt and felt it clench all the more around him as Loki gagged and arched.

But it didn't break him like in his dreams. The pain only reminded Thor that he could still keep control of himself if he decided to. The urge to grapple and fuck and raze might always roil within him--but he could rein it in if he wanted.

Thor choked on laughter as the realization sluiced him clean, until he was shaking as much from relief as he was in restraint. Loki snarled and cursed him with increased viciousness.

Over time Thor's focus on keeping to his checked rhythm and the blurring distraction of his own pleasure nearly obliterated his attention to Loki. But eventually he realized the pain was fading: it was only what had already been inflicted by this point. No fresher attacks had come.

Thor shook his hair from his face and blinked the sweat from his eyes until he could focus on Loki again.

The jotun had folded his arms back over his face and was sobbing openly with each thrust now--but he was striving to meet Thor on every one, his thighs taut in Thor's grip as Loki struggled for leverage to push onto his cock. The gasps that wracked him were desperate.

A heavy wash of pleasure flushed through him, nearly driving him over the edge right then. Thor dropped one of Loki's legs and grasped his cock instead.

Loki screamed again as he arched into Thor's hand, high enough that the sound bordered on pain. His cunt clenched ferociously around him, making Thor moan and Loki shudder violently, choking for breath. He kicked with a frantic noise when Thor swiped his hand through the slickness between them and then began to stroke his cock roughly.

The pleasure that that drove into Loki seemed so intense it looked like agony on him--but it also finally forced the jotun to his release. Thor was still shuddering and watching the way Loki thrashed against his touch with wide eyes when Loki gave another loud cry and spilled in his hand.

Thor started to stroke him through it, but barely a few heartbeats later Loki keened wretchedly and clawed at his arm. "Too much, too much, no, Thor please--"

Thor released his prick and gripped Loki's hips instead, sinking into the pleasure sparking within him each time Loki's cunt spasmed against his cock as another aftershock ripped through him. Loki sobbed harsher as his legs reflexively tried to jerk closed, his thighs digging into Thor's sides. "Thor!"

"Bear it," Thor strangled out. "Please, Loki. I only need--"

He threw aside the distraction of words and focused on finding his own climax before Loki grew too pained. Loki shuddered and struggled feebly against his grip, his face pressed into the pillow to smother his wet, wracking gasps; and yet he was so warm and open for Thor now, so slick and given over, so ready--

Loki choked and flexed against him as Thor's last brutal thrust drove him in deep as he came. "Aah!"

Thor braced himself on his forearms and pressed his weight down on Loki, holding the jotun in place even as Loki flinched and squirmed beneath him, trying to kick away from the feel of seed spilling inside his cunt.

Loki soon stopped and fell still though, either giving up or wearing out or finally realizing that this had been his whole purpose. Thor let his head sink onto Loki's shoulder as he breathed raggedly through the last of his release. A few long moments later he closed his eyes, feeling the rapid thudding of Loki's heart against his chest.

He had not had as much time to enjoy it as he wanted when Loki finally shifted beneath him again.

"Off," he said hoarsely. "I cannot breathe."

Thor exhaled wearily with a groan, but shifted himself up. He laid a hand on Loki's hip. "I'm going to pull out."

"Nn," Loki mumbled.

He shivered once and bit his lip as Thor tugged his cock out, and covered his face with a hand again.

Thor rubbed his hand soothingly along Loki's hip as he sat back. Loki barely even shifted against the touch, so Thor allowed himself the pleasure of looking him over while the jotun was still too exhausted to fight or sneer.

Loki was slumped boneless on the bed, the firelight flickering over the angles in his body and catching the sheen of sweat upon his skin, his legs still splayed open around Thor as he panted heavily. A trickle of seed was dripping from his cunt.

 _Time well spent_ , Thor thought vaguely, tracing one of the sorcerer's sharp hipbones with his thumb. And yet it hadn't been enough.

He wanted more. He wanted to indulge himself in Loki's body further, to have better light and less arguments and see again the way Loki nearly heaved up from the bed as he was dragged toward his climax. This had been nowhere near enough.

Thor swiped his finger absently up the dribble of semen and pushed it back inside Loki's cunt. Loki jerked viciously and twisted away.

"No more," he said hoarsely, curling in with a shudder. "No more, no more...."

"Peace, Loki," Thor said, pulling away and laying a gentle hand over the one Loki had twisted into the pillow. The sorcerer flinched and curled in tighter, kicking at him. "You've borne enough tonight. Rest now."

Loki shivered again. But when Thor drew away and settled against the headboard beside him, he shuddered out a deep breath and, at last, slowly stretched back out.

Thor ran a hand lightly over Loki's hair, continuing even after the sorcerer grunted and shifted away, out of the dampness in the sheets. When Thor followed, Loki audibly tched.

But he apparently decided to cede the fight. In time, Thor felt and watched Loki relax further as he sunk into a weary sleep.

Fatigue pulled at him, too. It would be pleasant to finally rest again, to curl up against Loki and fall asleep beside the warmth of another's skin. It had been weeks since he'd had any company in bed, and far more months since he'd last had a lover he slept with.

Thor pushed himself further up the headboard and tugged away the pillows trapped behind him, and made himself keep awake.  
  
  
When the stars had shifted enough that Thor knew dawn was near, he laid a hand on Loki's shoulder. The sorcerer grunted dismissively and curled away; but then he jerked sharply awake.

"It will be morning soon," Thor said. "You have to return."

"Nnlg," Loki mumbled.

But he pushed up and dragged himself out of the bed. He hissed in discomfort as he slung his legs over the edge; he staggered a little once he set his feet on the floor.

The fire had died in the braziers, but their clothes were dry. Thor knelt to help Loki with his boots when the sorcerer hissed more sharply while trying to crouch to tie them himself.

Loki made another frustrated noise, but didn't reject the aid. It told Thor more than any words how sore he was.

"You won't be able to go how you came," Thor said, scowling over at his balcony and trying to plot the easiest route to a neutral corridor. The terrace was purposefully difficult to access unless someone had the ability to fly or no fear of death. Was he really going to have to get a rope or lower Loki to another window with bedsheets like a boy with his first lover?

"You think like a warrior," Loki answered--only his voice was wrong.

Thor looked back and tensed at the sight of the Einherjar who'd entered his room without sound or permission. Then he recognized the odd position of the guard's hands.

Loki let them lower to his sides, rolling the spear tucked into his elbow into his palm as he did. Thor gave him a long look.

"If I'd known you planned _this_ , I could have slept," he pointed out with some sourness.

"Your nobility will be the ruin of you," Loki answered with unexpected sincerity.

The expression on his face was more open than Thor expected: a mingling of wariness and clemency. Or perhaps it was just the different features of his disguise.

But then Loki turned away, heading for the doors. Thor started to see him out before remembering he wouldn't normally do that for a guard.

"Good morning," he said at last, watching Loki depart.

The sorcerer paused for the barest moment, before nodding once. He left.

Thor rubbed his face wearily. Then he turned back to his bed, and collapsed into a fitful sleep.

~

He saw Loki little for the next several days.

They still sat at opposite sides of the table in the dining hall. And the sorcerer still eschewed the training grounds during the daytime. If he returned to them at night, he'd learned to conceal his presence from Thor.

Thor could easily have checked. But if Loki wished solitude so strongly, he would grant it.

He also could have found reasons to visit. Balder would always invite him into his quarters. But he did not.

He and Loki spoke cordially when they met in a hallway, but it was always on trivial matters. And Thor was always intensely aware of everyone passing by them. It made him feel as though he were staring at Loki's eyes too long; the sorcerer often glanced away, his gaze taking in all around him the way he'd always done. It was as though everything else around Thor remained the same, even Loki, and only he himself had changed. 

And then he ceased seeing Loki at all.

Everyone did--save Balder.

~

The spouses lingered in their quarters for days on end, even taking meals there. More than a few Aesir joked about how long it took them to behave like newlyweds.

Balder bore the brunt of the teasing when, nearly a week later, he at last returned to the training grounds.

He came alone. Loki had never joined him in the area before, and apparently still saw no reason to start.

Thor was a distance away, sparring with Sif. But he heard most of the jibes: "Finally wore him out, Balder?" "I expected you to look more withered by now." "Do they go into heat, then? We'd nearly forgotten your face."

When Sif jabbed Thor hard in the gut with the butt of her staff and said she would find another partner if he didn't begin to _try_ , he refused to rub his stomach even though it ached and raised a palm for a truce. She stood down with a scowl.

"Leave him be," Thor called over the grounds to the warriors ribbing Balder by the weapons rack. Balder was smiling at them--but it was the kind that didn't reflect in his eyes, the kind Thor had never noticed himself until they became brothers and were forced into more familiarity. "I'm sure he'd prefer a few hours' respite."

The other warriors laughed but moved away, back to their work.

Balder gave him a brief smile over his shoulder--still that same taciturn one--and a nod, and went to find Volstagg for a spar.  
  
  
Balder stayed at the training grounds even when others began to leave. He switched from his mace to throwing axes once Volstagg departed for his house and family and supper. Thor remained behind as well, until even the most devoted of the Einherjar chose to answer their stomachs' demands.

"Are you that dissatisfied, brother?" Thor finally asked, once they were alone. He hefted the target he was carrying into its place among the others.

"No," Balder answered, letting his arm fall to the side rather than following through on his strike. He stared blankly at the target.

Thor frowned and left the practice dummies. "What ails you?"

"I don't know," Balder murmured.

Thor frowned deeper, and thought of Balder's dreams. "Have you two fought?"

"No," Balder answered, shaking his head. "No. We've been...affectionate, lately."

Thor lifted the corner of his mouth. "You do not say."

"It's the falseness of it," Balder continued, still quiet, as if speaking to himself rather than Thor. "It sets my teeth on edge. I couldn't bear any more."

When Thor tilted his head with another frown, Balder shook his head and rested the axe on his shoulder.

"I thought perhaps it was jealousy," he explained; and Thor stilled. "But no. I **am** glad he's found a lover of his own here. It...." Balder made a rueful smile. "It makes me feel less like a wretch for having my own. But the way he's so blatantly pulling me to bed to conceal that he's gotten a child with them, it's...."

He huffed and lifted his shoulders. "But perhaps the _point_ is that it's so obvious. Maybe he expects me to realize as much, so actually stating it would be what's crass." Balder gave him a half-smile. "It's difficult to tell with him, sometimes."

"Ah," Thor managed, with a nod. "Yes. It is."

He had guessed as much about Loki's state during the last few days. He was not sure how to feel about it.

Balder exhaled resolutely. "You would know."

Thor tensed. "Why do you say that?"

The words were barely out when he realized Balder was only referencing his and Loki's friendship and the arguments that punctuated it. The statement was innocuous. But Thor's guilt lay foremost in his mind and had colored his hearing.

Many mistook Balder's kindness for weakness. Many also mistook it for stupidity, often to their detriment or--if they were his enemies--as their final act. Balder stared at him in confusion for a moment--and then his eyes widened, his fingers shifting on the axe handle as he drew a long breath.

Balder looked back at the target again and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Then, to Thor's surprise, he huffed out a laugh.

"I _had_ thought as much," Balder admitted sheepishly. "A part of me hoped it was you."

". . . Truly?" Thor replied, even more surprised.

"He's fond of you," Balder answered. "If it was you, there was a chance this wouldn't end in one of those horrible tricks."

Thor frowned as he flicked through past memories of pranks Loki had once pulled: snakes in the kitchen the morning after the sorcerer complained about the evening meal; items that were never where they were supposed to be until their owner was throughly infuriated, at which point they would mysteriously sit where they belonged. One night when the two of them were at the training grounds, the target Thor had set up turned out to be intangible so Mjölnir sailed through it and shattered a weapons rack, drawing the Einherjar and earning Thor a tongue-lashing from the weapons keeper the next day. Loki had snickered to himself the whole time as Thor righted the rack and cursed at him.

Loki had begun that mischief around the time he'd revealed just how sharply his tongue could shape insulting verses. But unlike the verses, he'd ceased it abruptly a few months ago.

"I thought he'd stopped his pranks," Thor replied.

"No," Balder said, his smile sliding away. "No.

"They are not 'pranks' anymore," he added. "I told his victims to bring their anger to me, not you or Odin."

Thor lowered his brows. "Why?"

"Because you are a known enemy of the Jotnar, and I don't want them to think speaking to you is the first step to having an audience with the All-father," Balder replied.

Thor studied him.

Balder started to pull his axe away with a hiss. But then he let it thunk heavily back to his shoulder.

"I am weary, Thor," he muttered. "I thought this would be a couple centuries of marriage, and then I would mourn what friendship we'd developed and at last be free to wed Nanna. I didn't think I'd have to watch someone I am supposed to share charity with be twisted with paranoia to the point of madness, until he is poison to himself and all around him."

Balder pressed a hand to his face. "I don't want to believe this was Odin's original intent anymore," he forced out. "I want to believe once Loki arrived he noticed how distrustful and cynical he already was and chose to use that. That would almost be bearable. But to share blood with someone who would so callously--"

Thor rested a hand on his shoulder. "Peace, brother."

Balder drew a long breath through his teeth and gathered himself.

"We are our own selves, regardless of our parentage," Thor reminded him.

Balder managed a nod. Thor squeezed his shoulder. "It could be so," he offered. "He's always been skilled at seizing any weakness."

Balder made another half-disgusted, half-exhausted expression.

It reminded Thor more deeply than anything that they were brothers only in name.

They might share the same blood, but they had not lived through the same upbringing. Otherwise, Balder would not need to be told this. He would not be surprised by it, not at this point in his life.

"You don't have to bear this all on your own, brother," Thor said steadily. "Ask my help next time."

Balder let the axe drop to rest on the ground, and rubbed his face again. "...Thank you, Thor."

Thor nodded and squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away.

Balder put away his axes and helped Thor stack the remaining targets for the next day. When they finished, Thor set Mjölnir within the cradle of fabric made by his cape and prepared to depart for the evening meal. Balder lingered by the targets.

"Thor," he said at last.

When Thor turned back to him, Balder fumbled for words for a time before finally speaking. "How do I please him?"

Thor exhaled quietly. He rested an arm on the walkway above as he considered.

"Patience," he recommended. "A tremendous amount of it. And be willing to be cursed at and torn up while you're at it."

Balder gave a startled laugh and then rubbed at his face, looking away. "...We know very different versions."

"Ah," Thor said; but it was not surprising.

Loki had had the freedom to speak and act how he chose in Thor's bed. He clearly had not felt the same in his arranged husband's.

Thor raised a palm. "He does not want to feel pleasure. So you will need a great deal of patience and inurement to insult and injury. Please him orally beforehand and be gentle at first, even if he fights or derides you for it."

Balder frowned. "He does not want to? Why?"

Thor hesitated.

His brother studied him for several more confused moments. But when Thor didn't answer, he finally huffed a breath and made himself give a half-smile. "I suppose I should ask him that, instead."

Thor made a vague noise in the back of his throat and nodded once. Balder forced a chuckle and returned the gesture.

"Thank you," he said a few breaths later, with sincerity. "I do appreciate it."

"I hope it will help things between you," Thor answered, since the number of responses he could give in the situation were limited.

"Mm," Balder agreed, still sounding distracted. He retrieved his mace from the holding stand and fastened it to his belt. "Did you not...."

Balder huffed again and looked at him. "When pleasing him. Was it not strange? With his sex as it is?"

As far as Thor knew, his brother had only ever been interested in women. He supposed there were things about this marriage that Balder had had to overcome as well.

"Yes," he agreed. "But you get used to it. And it helps him relax."

Balder nodded to himself, slowly at first and then more firmly as he set his jaw. "I see. Thank you."

"Please stop," Thor said drolly. "This feels strange enough."

Balder laughed genuinely at that. "Yes," he agreed with a disbelieving grin. "Yes, it does."

Thor chuckled once before shifting out of his lean. "I'm heading to the dining hall for supper, once I wash off this grit," he offered.

Balder gave him a smile but shook his head. "I'll return to my quarters. I don't think he wishes to deal with others yet. After they've gotten the jokes out of their system with me, perhaps."

Thor frowned at that, but then forced himself to nod.

It was Balder who was Loki's husband, not him. He could not reasonably offer to fend away any jokesters. It was not as though Loki hadn't given many Aesir plenty of reasons to turn the tables on him.

"Good evening, then," Thor said instead. "I'll see you another time."

As they made their way up the steps, he added, "Are you still having ill dreams?"

Balder paused in mid-step for a breath. Thor saw a muscle in his jaw jump.

"They're nothing," he replied, starting up the stairs again.

Thor frowned harder at that, and wondered when his brother had become capable of lies.

"He said they make you thrash enough you near kicked him to the floor," he answered.

Balder made a face. "That's an exaggeration," he muttered, before exhaling. "They are nothing, Thor. Just unpleasant dreams."

"Dreams are a form of prophesy," Thor pushed. "You shouldn't ignore them. How long have you had them? Have you spoken to Mother to have her read them?"

Balder shook his head sharply. "No. They aren't worth the trouble."

"Why are you being so stubborn?" Thor asked in bemusement.

"I do not wish to give Odin a weakness of mine," Balder said, low and terse. "I am not blind, Thor. I see what he does to you and Loki. If I speak to Frigga it will come to him eventually. Please desist."

Thor was silent as they made their way out of the training grounds.

He caught Balder's shoulder before they could part ways in the main corridor. "I understand your concern, brother," Thor told him honestly. "But you should not ignore ill omens for so long. Speak to one of the Norns if you cannot go to Frigga."

Balder gave him a small, wry smile. "I do not wish to give Karnilla any weaknesses of mine, either."

Thor had to chuckle at that. "Fair," he agreed. "But you must speak to someone. How long have you had them?"

Balder shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "A few centuries. They are nothing, Thor. Nightmares from stress. That's all."

About since Balder first came to live in the palace. Thor frowned again.

"If you believe that, then very well," he said. "But I would feel better if you had someone read them at least once. That is a very long time to bear this."

"They come and go," Balder answered with a faint shrug. "They are not so bad as you imagine."

"Mm," was all Thor said. He wondered again when Balder had begun to lie. "I hope so. Think on it, brother. We can surely find someone knowledgeable enough to listen without speaking of them to others."

Balder gave him a brief smile that lacked sincerity, and nodded. "I'll consider it. Good morrow, Thor."

"Good morrow," he returned, and watched his brother head down the corridor away from him.


End file.
